Discussion

Band 5+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Some people claim that individuals are responsible for their happiness, while others argue that happiness depends on some factors in their life. This essay discusses both views before giving my opinion.

On the one hand, its clear that no one create happniess for people, as in recent era people are busy with their own life and challenges they faces. They tries to bring happiness for their own life instead of focusing to others, and they had the mindest that each individulas are indenpendent, so they are responsible for creating their own happiness and should not wait for other. For instance, in most of developing countries its obvious that all indiviuals are considered as independent and they should responsible of their own life and their happiness.

On the other hand, some people has this notion that there are some factors that create happiness for individuals in their life like having a good economic situation, lifing with beloved once, having a higher education. For instance, in most of less developed countries like Afghanistan, people that are suffer from financial problems, or they do not have access to education, or even due to some challenges they have to life far from their beloved once, so they thing that these factors definatlly affect happiness in people life. I do agree with this belive, as these factors are very essential in life and if people have it they can have a very happy life.

In conclusion, despite this notion that indiviuals are responsible of their own happiness becuase they are independend in their life, but I belive that other factors are more crucial in life that create happiness like not having financial issue, living with beloved once, and having access to education.

Word Count: 287

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 11

happiness: 8

people: 7

factors: 5

responsible: 4

having: 4

create: 3

other: 3

beloved: 3

education: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting both views and offering an opinion. The ideas are relevant, but the supporting evidence could be more precise and developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the connections between the factors discussed and their impact on happiness. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is present, but the flow of ideas needs improvement. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure a smoother transition from one point to the next. Paragraphing is generally adequate, but could be refined to better reflect the development of each argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate ('lifing' instead of 'living,' 'once' instead of 'ones,' 'thing' instead of 'think'). Expanding your vocabulary and ensuring accurate usage would enhance the clarity and sophistication of your writing. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more precisely. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'no one create happniess for people' and 'they had the mindest that each individulas are indenpendent' contain errors. Improving your understanding and application of grammar rules is essential. Practice constructing a variety of sentence structures to enhance the complexity and accuracy of your writing.

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