Letter

Band 7+: You are a history teacher at a high school. You saw an advertisement for an exhibit at the museum in the local newspaper that coincides with what what you are teaching now. Write a letter to the museum officer. In your letter tell him/her you want to bring the students to visit explain when how many are expected to join

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Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to inquire about the Epyptian artifacts exhibit at the museum which I saw in the local newspaper. I am a high school history teacher and I am currently teaching ancient Egypt history in my class. Therefore, I think this is a good opportunity for my students to explore the Egypt history through visual learning. I hope that the children can immerse themselves into acient Egypt.

I am planning to bring 30 students to the exhibit with their class tutor. We will be arriving at 10:00 a.m on May 2nd by a coach. In addition, I would appreciate that if you could give an instruction of booking the parking space in advance. Besides, I am wondering if there are any available discounts for students or groups and if there is please inform us about the requirements. Thank you in advance for your help.

Yours faithfully,

Chieh Fang (Miss)

Word Count: 154

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

history: 3

students: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter fully satisfies the requirements of the task. All three bullet points are comprehensively addressed in a clear, natural, and engaging manner. The purpose of the letter is immediately clear, and the details provided are relevant and well-organized. The tone is consistently polite and professional, and the language used is appropriate for the context. There are no omissions or lapses.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally well-organized and easy to follow. The purpose of the letter is clear, and the information is presented in a logical order. However, consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, in the first paragraph, you could link the mention of the exhibit to your teaching more smoothly. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task. Phrases like 'immerse themselves into ancient Egypt' and 'visual learning' are effective. To further enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more specific vocabulary related to museum visits or educational trips. For instance, instead of 'give an instruction of booking the parking space,' you could use 'provide instructions on reserving parking spaces.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter demonstrates a good command of grammar, but there are a few areas where accuracy could be improved. For example, 'Epyptian' should be 'Egyptian,' and 'acient' should be 'ancient.' Also, pay attention to prepositions; for instance, 'explore the Egypt history' could be improved to 'explore Egyptian history.' Reviewing and proofreading carefully can help eliminate these errors.

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