Letter

Band 6+: You are a history teacher at a high school. You saw an advertisement for an exhibit at the museum in the local newspaper that coincides with what what you are teaching now. Write a letter to the museum officer. In your letter tell him/her you want to bring the students to visit explain when how many are expected to join

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Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to inquire about the Epyptian artifacts exhibit at the museum which I saw in the local newspaper. I am a high school hisstory teacher and I currently teach ancient Egypt history in my class. Therefore, I think this is a good opportunity for my students to explore the Egypt history in visiual way. I hope the children can immerse themselves into acient Egypt.

I planning to bring 30 students to the exhibit with their class totur. We will arrive at 10:00 a.m on May 2nd by a coach. In addition, I would appreciate that you could give a instruction of that how to booking the parking in advance. Besides, I am wondering if there are any available discounts for students or groups and if there is anything we need to prepare for it. Thank you in advance for your help.

Yours faithfully,

Chieh Fang (Miss)

Word Count: 152

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter appropriately addresses all requirements of the task, providing relevant information about the visit. The purpose of the letter is clear, and the details regarding the number of students, the planned date and time, and specific inquiries are well-presented. To further enhance the response, consider elaborating slightly more on the educational benefits of the exhibit for the students or providing a more specific reason for choosing that particular date. Also, proofread the letter to eliminate minor grammatical errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally coherent, but the organization could be improved for better flow. Consider grouping related ideas together more explicitly. For example, the details about the visit (date, time, transportation) could form a single paragraph. Also, the request for parking information and discounts could be combined into another paragraph focusing on logistical inquiries.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room to enhance it with more specific and varied word choices. For instance, instead of 'good opportunity,' you could use 'invaluable educational experience' or 'enriching learning opportunity.' Also, 'explore the Egypt history in visiual way' could be rephrased for better impact.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement ('I planning' should be 'I am planning'), correct spelling ('Epyptian,' 'hisstory,' 'totur,' 'acient,' 'visiual'), and proper article usage. Review basic grammar rules and proofread carefully to minimize these errors. Also, ensure correct punctuation throughout the letter.

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