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Band 4+: Personal information is shared readily online, and it is easily accessible, as nothing shared online is truly private. What are some possible problems that could arise due to privacy issues online? What are some solutions to these problems?

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In todays increasing world individuals can share some personal informations by social media, and these datas are acceptible for everyone, in that way some problems like loss of reputation and personal information thieft appear. I will explain some solutions for coming issues in coming paragraphs.

Firstly, nowadays there are many hackers who can easily find the personal identify informations like credit card’s password, number of mobile phones and so on, if it is like that they can steal some money from people’s credit cards, and many individuals can get damaged from online thiefs. The simple solution of this problem is setting strong passwords which have at least one letter, a sign and a number, in addition every social media should have two-factor authentification, it means social media should send some data to personal e-mails or phone numbers during identification. If people and media follow these solutions any hackers cannot hack any platform and media.

Secondly, in recent times everyone have mobile phones which can take pictures, this function is convinient untill it do not comes to frought. Some individuals strugle with online bullying, some froughts can intimidate non-biding people by distributing their intimate photos on social media. The solution of this issue is raising public awareness to do not share their personal data like photos videos and so on. Television should provide some broadcasts about social bullying, and how to solve these issues.

In conclution, there are many privasy problems because of using technology in todays world, if public and media unite they can find some solutions.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

media: 6

personal: 5

social: 5

individuals: 3

these: 3

solutions: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying two distinct problems (identity/financial theft and online bullying/privacy breaches) and offering corresponding solutions. A position is present, though the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While the main ideas are relevant, the explanation of how solutions work could be more sophisticated. To improve, focus on expanding the depth of your arguments. Instead of just listing solutions, explain the mechanism of how they prevent the problem in more detail. Additionally, ensure that your ideas are logically connected; for example, the claim that 'any hackers cannot hack any platform' is an overgeneralization that weakens the academic tone of the essay. Work on precision in vocabulary and grammatical accuracy to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly without distraction.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and repetitive sentence structures. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In contrast') and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and contains several errors in word formation and usage (e.g., 'informations', 'datas', 'thieft', 'frought', 'non-biding'). Note that 'information' and 'data' are uncountable nouns and should not take an 's'. To improve, focus on learning collocations and the correct forms of nouns and verbs. Aim to use more precise academic vocabulary to describe digital security and social issues.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, particularly with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'everyone have'), pluralization, and sentence construction. Some sentences are run-on sentences that make it difficult to follow the logic. I recommend practicing complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (If... then...) and relative clauses, while paying close attention to basic punctuation and singular/plural noun rules.

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