Opinion

Band 6+: In the future, artificial intelligence will replace most human jobs. This will lead to a better society for everyone." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely believed that many employees would lost their jobs due to artificial intelligence. Although, this is extremely profitable for companies, I strongly disagree with this opinion and jobs related to healthcare and education are challenging to replace.

It is considered that automation and smart technologies are displacing human work power due to cheaper price and high productivity. Global companies and manufacturers are fired many workers because the software is able to do their work faster and cheaper, processes that involve repetitions and similar actions may be performed by a computer. A clear example of this is that corporations such as Google and Twitter have replaced approximately 10.000 workers in a few month. As a result, many individuals become unemployed and lost their income.

However, I believe that AI cannot be served as an alternative to physically difficult professions. More precisely, fields such as medicine and education requires special personal characteristics like empathy and human interaction, which robots or software are not able to provide. Also, people do not trust health to AI, because only doctors can fully recognize symptoms and diagnose the disease correctly. To illustrate, artificial intelligence’s conclusions are based on person’s own feelings and observations, which are usually incorrect. Only educated professional can correctly understand issues and illnesses. In addition, parents more rely on teachers and on ordinary education system as self-study with AI is not helpful for children. It is complicated for them to study and learn something by themselves as the temptation from virtual games and the network too strong to resist. In schools teenagers do not have an opportunity to scroll thought social media and the real feeling of teacher nearby improves productivity and understanding of the subject. That is why some jobs would be never replaced by artificial intelligence.

In conclusion, while some employees lost their places due to artificial intelligence, I think that health and education professions cannot be replaced.

Word Count: 319

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 4

artificial: 4

education: 4

replaced: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position throughout the response. The writer acknowledges the opposing view (job displacement in manufacturing/tech) before presenting their own argument regarding the irreplaceable nature of certain professions. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the mention of Google/Twitter and the specific needs of the healthcare and education sectors. To improve the score, focus on the depth of development and precision of arguments. While the points about empathy and human interaction are valid, the argument that AI conclusions are 'usually incorrect' because they are based on 'feelings' is logically weak and could be better articulated (AI is actually based on data, not feelings). Strengthening the logical connection between the technology's limitations and the necessity of human workers would elevate the response. Additionally, ensure that the distinction between 'displacing some jobs' and 'replacing many jobs' is more clearly navigated to fully address the 'to what extent' aspect of the prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas can sometimes feel abrupt. For instance, the use of 'Although' at the start of the second sentence in the introduction is grammatically incorrect as it creates a fragment. To improve, ensure that cohesive devices (like 'However', 'In addition', 'As a result') are used to create a smooth flow between sentences rather than just starting new points. The paragraphing is appropriate, but the connection between the 'unemployment' point and the 'AI cannot replace' point could be more fluidly bridged.

Lexical Resource

You have used a range of topic-specific vocabulary such as 'automation', 'displacing', 'empathy', and 'productivity'. However, there are several instances of imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing. For example, 'human work power' should be 'human labor' or 'the workforce', and 'lost their places' would be better expressed as 'lost their jobs'. Additionally, be careful with word forms, such as using 'fired' (an action) when you meant 'have fired' or 'are firing'. Aim for more natural collocations to reach a higher band.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the reader's understanding. Key issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'fields... requires' should be 'fields... require'), tense consistency (e.g., 'would lost' should be 'will lose' or 'would lose'), and article usage. There are also issues with sentence structure, such as 'the temptation... too strong to resist' which lacks a verb. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, ensuring that every clause has a subject and a verb, and reviewing the rules for modal verbs and past participles.

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