Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: ➡️ "Children today use mobile phones at a very young age. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?"

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In recent years, some countries allow youngs to have phones and smartphones at an early age. Although there are a number of positive sides of this trend, it has some drawbacks that should be considered.

There are several advantages of allowing children to have smartphones at a young age. The major advantage is they can understand modern technologies similar to the phones such as laptops, tablets and MacBooks. This is because if children use smartphone at an early age, it will help their future, because in the future lessons would be though modern tablets in the class. When they understand how to utilize it, there is not be problems in the lesson or Students can use tablets to take digital notes during lectures. Another main beneficial side is children can learn variety of languages by watching videos. That is, if children learn new language online by using parents’ phones at an early age, parents will not need to spend money on language classes later on. For instance, nowadays, there are several videos which are easily teach new languages for children in digital devices. They are very exiting and interesting for a little ones. Therefore, these are the beneficial sides of using smart devices.

On the other hand, there are several drawbacks to minors using digital devices. First and foremost, it can have a negative impact on children’s mental health. This is because in recent decades, there are several wrong and strange cartoons and videos in the You Tube and other digital devices. If children watch them, these videos can easily cause their mental health. Moreover, when children watch different shorts at the same time, it also effect youngs’ mental health. As a result, children may become stressed, nervous and irritated.Another drawback is that gadgets may damage children’s eyesights. That is, nowadays children spend most of their time to play games or watching cartoons by electric devices. For example, every so often, kids using phones nearly on their eyes. These can easily effect children’s eyesight. These are the main negative sides of utilizing technological devices like smartphones and tablets.

In conclusion, even though kids using phones brings some benefits like easily understand modern technologies in the future and learn several languages, there are several negatives such as effect mental health and damage eyesights

Word Count: 382

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 9

there: 6

several: 6

phones: 5

using: 5

devices: 5

their: 4

digital: 4

videos: 4

easily: 4

these: 4

mental: 4

health: 4

smartphones: 3

early: 3

sides: 3

understand: 3

modern: 3

tablets: 3

because: 3

future: 3

learn: 3

languages: 3

children's: 3

effect: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. You have identified relevant advantages (technological literacy and language learning) and disadvantages (mental health and eyesight). However, the development of these ideas is somewhat repetitive and lacks the depth required for higher bands. For example, the point about mental health is mentioned several times without a deep explanation of the underlying mechanism, and the connection between 'shorts' and mental health is a bit vague. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Depth of Argumentation**: Instead of repeating that something is 'beneficial' or 'negative,' explain *how* or *why* it happens more precisely. For instance, instead of saying videos 'cause their mental health,' specify that they might 'expose children to inappropriate content that disrupts psychological development.' 2. **Cohesion and Coherence**: Ensure that your supporting sentences build upon each other logically rather than just restating the main point in different words. 3. **Grammatical Precision**: There are several errors in word choice and grammar (e.g., 'youngs' instead of 'young people,' 'effect' instead of 'affect,' and 'eyesights' instead of 'eyesight') that occasionally hinder the flow of the argument. Improving your control over word forms and subject-verb agreement will help elevate the quality of your writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by repetitive sentence structures and awkward transitions. To improve, try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Conversely') and ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next. Some ideas are stated somewhat abruptly, which disrupts the smooth flow of the argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but it is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'children', 'smartphones', 'digital devices', and 'mental health'). There are also several instances of incorrect word forms, such as 'youngs' instead of 'young people' or 'youths', and 'exiting' instead of 'exciting'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise synonyms and collocations, and ensure that word choices are used naturally within the context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'lessons would be though'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'kids using phones brings'), and improper use of prepositions and articles. Additionally, there are errors in sentence construction, such as 'there is not be problems'. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures, verb tenses, and pluralization before attempting more complex grammatical forms. Consistent accuracy in simple sentences is essential for improvement.

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