Opinion

Band 4+: Nowadays, a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays in the world, lots of commercial sectors depend on advertising for their selling product and supply services to individuals and community. It is influence people’s life. Some individuals argue that companies should be emphasize and banned advertising at children aimed. I partially agree with this statement because of that major reason is it has advantages and disadvantages for children. In this essay I will discuss in this situation how advertising is influence of children’s life.

First and foremost, advertising is most significant method in commercial sectors, governments and they usually use provide their innovations for society and attract lots of customers from use new encourage tricks as well as lots of sectors always try to give new information and through this they assume broad their market in these days. For example, they use TV advertising, social media platform such as facebook, tik tok. However, it has advantage for children for instance, some companies doing advertise on children influence of their education such as DP Education as a result they draw attention to higher education and motivate learn new things about they interest subject and explore around the world. Furthermore, some governments present various type of advertisement according to authorities of governments For instance, they create advertisement about healthy food and it effect on their life as the result children encourage buy new healthy foods.

On the other hand, through this situation some advertising companies create adverse promotions for attract children and it has drawbacks for children’s life. For instance, some commercial sectors create about drugs advertisement from online platform and they always introduce fake details as a result children addict for drugs and face to worries because companies children mind as a fake world. Furthermore, some food companies introduce their new product for children without government recommend when people buy this product they have to face terrible sick such as cancer, diabetics and heart attack.

In my point of view, some advertising companies are aimed children influence of adverse and government should create new rules and conditions about their advertisement. It can protect our children and society.

To sum up, many advertising aimed on children and it has advantages it influence of their education and stay good healthy life by contrast, in bad advertising aimed children effect badly.

Word Count: 379

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 13

advertising: 9

their: 8

companies: 6

influence: 5

sectors: 4

aimed: 4

education: 4

about: 4

advertisement: 4

create: 4

world: 3

commercial: 3

product: 3

governments: 3

instance: 3

result: 3

healthy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a position (partial agreement), but the development of ideas is inconsistent. While you identify both positive and negative aspects of advertising, the arguments lack depth and precision. For example, the claim that advertising leads to children using drugs or developing cancer is an extreme exaggeration that lacks logical progression and supporting evidence, which weakens the overall argument. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Logical Development**: Instead of using extreme examples (like drugs or cancer), use more realistic arguments, such as the promotion of unhealthy eating habits (obesity) or the manipulation of children's psychological vulnerabilities to encourage materialism. 2. **Clarity of Position**: Ensure your position is clearly stated in the introduction and consistently maintained. Your conclusion should clearly summarize why you 'partially agree' (e.g., advertising is good for education but bad for junk food). 3. **Grammatical Accuracy**: There are frequent errors in sentence structure, word choice, and subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'it is influence people's life' should be 'it influences people's lives'). Improving your control of grammar will help make your ideas much clearer to the reader.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often difficult to follow due to poor sentence structure and logical transitions. Some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which obscures the intended meaning. To improve, focus on using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each sentence logically connects to the next using appropriate cohesive devices (e.g., 'Consequently', 'In contrast', 'Moreover').

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and often repetitive. There are several instances of incorrect word choices and word forms (e.g., 'selling product', 'children aimed', 'broad their market', 'terrible sick'). While you attempt to use topic-specific words like 'commercial sectors' and 'innovations', they are often used incorrectly within the context. Aim to learn collocations (words that naturally go together) and practice using a wider variety of synonyms to avoid repetition. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impede communication. There are major issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence construction (e.g., 'It is influence people's life', 'some companies doing advertise'). Many sentences are fragments or run-on sentences. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures (Subject + Verb + Object) and practice using complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, while) more accurately.

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