Opinion

Band 5+: Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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More and more people would like to look younger than their actual age these days. Therefore many people tend to buy trendy clothes and get treatments to help them look far younger. I think this has both pros and cons. In this essay, I will discuss both sides on this trend and present relavant reasons and perspective.

To begin with, there are several benefits to taking care on their own. First and foremost,

Grooming their apperance by themselves can relieve stress. Furthermore some people often forget about worries such as work and school assignments by looking around at trendy stores and shopping various items related to fashion. Secondly, it is quite important for indiviuals to look cool and neat, especailly in workplace. This is because employees often have opportunities to meet clients or customers, which can help them make a good impression. Consequently, grooming attitudes such as purchasing beauty products or clothes and making payments for skin treatments in order to look young obviously are good ways to maintain their better reputation.

On the other hands, there are also some drawbacks of this behavior. Firstly, it can be very expensive. Individuals should spend a lot of money to treat for skin care. For example, some people would like to get injected from doctors at skin care centre to look younger. Relying too much on their appearance may have a negative impact of their mental health. For example, when they get older in the future, if they look their actual age, they may can get stressed. Finally, they often overconsume, which means that even though they really don’t need the items, they are likely to purchase something new spontaneously.

In addition, although this trend may lead to spending a lot of money buying a variety of products or paying for their treatments to look younger, the benefits outweigh the downsides. I believe that it is quite helpful for individuals to stay younger by grooming on their own, as they can forget about their difficulties by doing their favorite things while having good impression from other people at the sametime.

Word Count: 348

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 11

people: 5

younger: 5

treatments: 3

often: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, the development of ideas is somewhat inconsistent. While the main points are relevant, some arguments lack depth or logical precision. For instance, the connection between shopping for clothes and relieving stress is a bit superficial, and the argument regarding mental health could be more clearly linked to the pressure of maintaining a youthful appearance. To improve, ensure that each supporting point is fully extended with logical explanations rather than just listed. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice (e.g., 'on the other hands' should be 'on the other hand', and 'they may can get stressed' is grammatically incorrect). Strengthening the cohesion between sentences will also help create a more professional and academic flow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with cohesive devices and logical flow. For instance, the phrase 'taking care on their own' in the second paragraph is vague and does not clearly link to the idea of looking younger. Some transitions between sentences feel a bit abrupt. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the connection between your supporting examples and your main argument is more explicit. Avoid using 'On the other hands' (it should be 'On the other hand') and ensure that your concluding paragraph effectively synthesizes your arguments rather than just repeating them.

Lexical Resource

You have used a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'grooming,' 'overconsume,' and 'make a good impression.' However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'apperance,' 'indiviuals,' 'especailly,' 'relavant') and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'get injected from doctors' instead of 'receive injections from doctors'). To reach a higher band, focus on precision in word choice and accuracy in spelling. Try to use more sophisticated collocations, such as 'investing in one's appearance' instead of 'making payments for skin treatments' to sound more natural. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede clarity. There are issues with preposition usage (e.g., 'impact of their mental health' should be 'impact on'), modal verb usage (e.g., 'they may can get stressed' is grammatically incorrect; it should be 'they may become stressed'), and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, some sentences are slightly repetitive in structure. To improve, practice using a wider variety of complex structures (like conditional sentences or relative clauses) more accurately and pay close attention to basic grammar rules such as verb patterns and prepositions.

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