Opinion

Band 5+: some people believe charities should focus on people in their own country, while others think that they should help people most in need wherever they live.

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Charity organizations play a vital role in helping people who cannot afford the basic needs of life. Some people feel that donations should help people in any part of the world while others believe aid should be given to local people of their country.This essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion.

Many people believe donations should be provided to needy people regardless of their location because in most developing countries the government has failed to provide basic need of their people.As a result people will receive support from around the world. Furthermore some people claim that poverty has no borders and wealth is need to be distributed equally among the people around the world so they can live without poverty and hardship. Therefore international charities can help to reduce poverty worldwide. For example UNICEF provides food and medicine to the people of Somalia and Yemen.

In Contrast some people believe that charity should be provided locally to support their own people instead of globally. As a result each nation can take care of it’s own people first. Furthermore local organizations understand better how many people are in need of support this will help to identify the people accurately and will distribute the aid to right people. For example in Pakistan different specific communities are being made to perform charity tasks in their own area. Therefore local people can distribute aid more effectively in the right people.

In conclusion, both views have their merits as they aim to provide support to needy people either locally or globally.In my opinion, charities should provide aid to those who are truly in need without any discrimination of their location or background.

Word Count: 280

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 18

their: 7

should: 5

provide: 4

support: 4

charity: 3

world: 3

believe: 3

local: 3

poverty: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. The writer discusses both the global and local perspectives and provides a personal opinion in the conclusion. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as UNICEF and the situation in Pakistan. To improve the score, the development of ideas could be more profound. For instance, in the second paragraph, the connection between 'wealth being distributed equally' and the specific role of charities could be more logically linked. Additionally, expanding on the 'why' and 'how' - such as the logistical advantages or the moral implications - would add the depth required for a higher band. Ensuring more precise use of cohesive devices and avoiding minor grammatical slips (e.g., 'wealth is need to be distributed') would also enhance the overall quality.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used correctly (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In contrast'), but there is a lack of sophisticated linking between sentences, leading to a somewhat repetitive 'Subject + Verb' structure. To improve, try using more complex cohesive devices such as relative clauses or subordinating conjunctions to connect ideas more fluidly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and allows for a clear expression of ideas. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there is some repetition of words like 'people', 'aid', and 'charity'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more varied synonyms (e.g., 'impoverished individuals', 'humanitarian assistance', 'philanthropic organizations') and more precise collocations. Be careful with word forms, such as using 'wealth is need to be distributed' instead of 'wealth needs to be distributed'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and compound sentences, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the flow. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'basic need' instead of 'basic needs'), incorrect use of possessives (e.g., 'it's' instead of 'its'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'distribute the aid to right people'). There are also instances of run-on sentences where two independent clauses are joined without proper punctuation. Focus on mastering sentence boundaries and ensuring that singular/plural nouns match their corresponding verbs.

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