Letter

Band 6+: Charity cycle ride We are a local cycling club and are looking for other cyclists to join us on an 800-kilometer cycle ride. This ride will raise money for charity. If you would like to join us, write a letter to the organiser, Paul Jones, telling him about your cycling experience, which charity you would like the money to go to and why.

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Dear Mr. Paul Jones,

I am writing this letter to tell you about joining your ride.

I am Emily White and I want to join on an 800-kilometer cycle ride. Cycling is really good for your health, that is why I want to join. When I was young, I cycled to keep my body fit. At that time, my mom became my coach, I was trained every day. After many years of training, I think that I am really ready for long bike-trips.

There are a lot of charities that my money can go to. However, I would like my money to go to the charity called “Pedal to Paris”. This charity is extremely famous so I think my money should go to that charity. Another reason is that I want to help some people to buy new equipment.

Here are all my answers to your questions. I look forward to your prompt reply.

Yours sincerely,

Emily

Word Count: 157

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 3

charity: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The response covers all the requirements of the task. You have addressed your cycling experience, named a charity, and provided reasons for your choice. However, the development of these points is somewhat thin. To improve, try to expand on your ideas with more specific details. For example, instead of just saying the charity is 'famous,' you could explain what specific impact they have. Additionally, describing your cycling experience with more technical detail or specific achievements would make the letter more convincing and professional. The closing sentence 'Here are all my answers to your questions' is somewhat unnatural in a formal letter; it is better to use a standard closing like 'I look forward to hearing from you regarding my participation.'

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter follows a logical structure, addressing all parts of the prompt. However, the transitions between sentences are somewhat abrupt, making the flow feel a bit 'choppy.' To improve, try using more sophisticated cohesive devices and linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Regarding the charity selection,' or 'In terms of my experience') to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, the concluding sentence 'Here are all my answers to your questions' is unnecessary and feels slightly mechanical; it is better to simply end with a polite closing statement.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is clear and appropriate for the task, but it is quite basic. To reach a higher band, you should aim for more varied and precise vocabulary. For example, instead of saying 'really good for your health,' you could use 'beneficial for physical well-being.' Instead of 'extremely famous,' you might use 'well-established' or 'renowned.' Try to avoid repeating the word 'money' and 'charity' too frequently by using synonyms like 'donations,' 'funds,' or 'organization.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The grammar is generally understandable, but there are issues with sentence structure and punctuation. Specifically, there are instances of comma splices (e.g., 'At that time, my mom became my coach, I was trained every day'), where two independent sentences are joined only by a comma. You should use a full stop, a semicolon, or a conjunction instead. Additionally, try to incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses (e.g., 'which is a charity that focuses on...') to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical control.

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