Pie Chart

Band 5+: Employment status of Ashby and in the UK in 2008

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The image contains two pie charts comparing Ashby to The UK with percentages of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in 2008; percentages for Ashby are as follows: Unemployed 14, Construction work 9, Shop work 8, Professional work 21, Technical work 16, Personal service 18, Office work 14; percentages for The UK are as follows: Unemployed 19, Construction work 10, Shop work 10, Professional work 17, Technical work 13, Personal service 14, Office work 17.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The chart shows the changes in the percentage of people aged from 23 to 63 in various professions in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.

Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the UK town (Ashby) has a highest population in construction work while, compared to the entire UK, the technical work slightly increased from any other professions in the UK.

Looking at Ashby data, the number of people working in Construction work is 26 percent while, Unemployed ratio is slightly closer to Construction work around 24 percent. Moreover, the least occupation chosen by the people was Professional work only it has 8 percent.

Regarding the UK the majority of the people preferred the Office work at 20 percent while, followed by both Technical work and Personal service were around 17 percent then 14 percent of people took Professional work. Finally, the least number of people who took Construction work was 10 percent.

Word Count: 163

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

percent: 6

construction: 4

while: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data. The overview is not clear and contains incorrect information. The body paragraphs also contain numerous inaccuracies in the data reported. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the charts and providing a clear and accurate overview. Ensure that the key features and significant differences are correctly identified and described.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The introduction could more clearly state the purpose of the report. The overview paragraph attempts to summarize the main trends, but it contains inaccuracies regarding the data. The subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it difficult to follow the comparisons between Ashby and the UK. Improve the flow of information by using more effective transition words and phrases and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and lacks precision. There are instances of inappropriate word choice (e.g., 'Looking from an overall perspective'). The report would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary related to describing data and trends. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'number of people,' try 'proportion,' 'percentage,' or 'figure.' Also, use more precise language to describe changes and comparisons.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect use of articles, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'the UK town (Ashby) has a highest population in construction work' is grammatically incorrect. The sentence structure is also quite simple, limiting the complexity of the analysis. Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Vary sentence structure to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

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