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Band 5+: Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevent

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The image shows participant numbers in various activities from 2000 to 2020 for five categories: film club, martial arts, amateur dramatics, table tennis, and musical performances. Film club starts at 10 in 2000, rises steadily, peaking at 60 in 2020. Martial arts starts at 50 in 2000, decreases to 30 in 2010, and remains stable until 2020. Amateur dramatics starts at 40 in 2000, decreases to 10 in 2010, and stabilizes around 10. Table tennis begins at 15 in 2000, drops gradually to 5 in 2020. Musical performances start at 20 in 2000, steadily increase, reaching 50 in 2020.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph illustrates varous activities at one social centre and their amount of participants in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 to 2020.

It is evident that the most people participanted for film club among other activities despite of being stable over twenty years. Moreover, number of musical performances and that of table tennis increased. However, amateur dramatics dramaticly declined and the martail arts flactuated.

In 2000, members of film club was over 60, and after decade dropped to around 60. However, next decade, this number grew to over 60. Therefore, the most participants belonged to this club. After this following, table tennis participants increased from under just 20 to over 50. While martial arts flactuated between 30 and 40.

Meanwhile, members of the amateur declined from around 30 to under 10, before growing slightly in 2005. Musical performances was started from scratch, and increased just under 20 members this period.

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

participants: 3

increased: 3

members: 3

under: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some inaccuracies and a lack of clarity. The overview is acceptable, but the body paragraphs contain some misinterpretations of the data. To improve, ensure accurate data representation and clearer organization of information. Also, avoid using the same words from the task question.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always smooth. The introduction provides a general overview, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. To improve coherence, use more explicit transition words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data and presents information in a logical order. For example, group activities with similar trends together and use comparative language to highlight differences.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a mix of basic and more advanced vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice. For example, 'amount of participants' could be improved to 'number of participants.' To enhance lexical resource, try to use a wider range of synonyms and more precise vocabulary to describe trends and data. Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the information presented in the graph.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Common errors include incorrect verb tenses ('participanted' instead of 'participated'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the report for errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Consider using a grammar checker to identify and correct errors, but always review the suggestions to ensure they are appropriate for the context.

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