Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar charts below show the percentage of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2016

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Image for topic: The bar charts below show the percentage of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2016

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The image shows bar charts comparing employment rates between men and women for Canada, South Korea, and Sweden in 2005 and 2015. In 2005, Canada's male employment rate was 70% and female's was 55%; South Korea had 75% male and 30% female; Sweden had 65% male and 45% female. In 2015, Canada's male employment rate was 70% and female's was 65%; South Korea had 75% male and 45% female; Sweden had 70% male and 50% female.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of employed men and women in three different countries in 2005 and 2016.

Overall, men help higher employment rates than women in every country in two years of the study.

In a year 2005, sweden show the highest numbers of employed people with men averaging around 85% and women being around 45%. south korea had the lowest employed people with women averaging only around 30% and while men showed highest number of employed around 75%. in stark contrast canada show the lowest percentage of emplyes with men 60% whereas women in canada averaging about 35%.

Decades later, the employment rates had changed drastically. south korea employment rates of men increased to 80% while women rates rised slitly form 30% to 35%. canada also saw an increase in men rates, especially in women employment rates, rocketing to 55%. sweden noticed a decrease in male workers as their percentages fell by 8% getting to 70%, the same as the male employment in canada at this time.

Word Count: 170

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

women: 7

rates: 6

employment: 5

employed: 4

around: 4

canada: 4

averaging: 3

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task and provides an overview, but there are significant issues with data accuracy and consistency. The figures provided in the report often contradict the information provided in the visual description (for example, the reported percentages for Sweden and Canada in 2005 do not align with the source data). Additionally, while the trends are identified, the inaccuracies in the specific data points detract from the overall clarity of the report. To improve, ensure that all numerical data is transcribed accurately from the charts and focus on grouping data logically to highlight comparisons more effectively.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and two body paragraphs. However, the progression is hindered by inconsistent capitalization (e.g., 'sweden', 'south korea', 'canada') and poor sentence connectivity. To improve, ensure that every sentence starts with a capital letter and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Regarding Canada,' or 'In terms of Sweden,') to transition between different data points more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is somewhat limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'emplyes', 'slitly', 'rised'). There is also some awkward phrasing, such as 'men help higher employment rates,' which is not natural English. Instead of 'help,' use 'exhibited' or 'recorded.' Aim to use more precise academic verbs and ensure that spelling is accurate to avoid distracting the reader.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical accuracy is a significant issue in this report. There are frequent errors in verb tense (e.g., 'sweden show' instead of 'showed'), subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Additionally, the sentence structures are often repetitive or fragmented. To improve, focus on mastering the past simple tense for describing historical data and practice using complex sentence structures (e.g., using 'while' or 'whereas' correctly) to combine related ideas.

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