Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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The image depicts two graphs showing the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12-19 years in the United States, by ethnicity, comparing data from the years 2004 and 2014. In the boys' graph, Non-Hispanic White shows an increase from 12% to 17%; Non-Hispanic Black remains at 20%; Hispanic increases from 19% to 27%. In the girls' graph, Non-Hispanic White increases from 9% to 14%; Non-Hispanic Black also increases from 16% to 29%; Hispanic shows a decrease from 20% to 12%. Each graph has three categories under the heading "Ethnicity," and the data is presented as percentages on the vertical, left-aligned Y-axis ranging from 0 to 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar graph illustrates the distribution of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, including non-hispanic white, non-hispanic black, and hispanic, in the USA between 2004 and 2014.

Overall, it is evident that girls had the highest obesity by non-hispanic black compared to boys over the same period.

The bar graph demonstrates that the distribution of obesity among boys accouned for 12% by non-hispanic white, while girls experienced a steady decrease to 9% in 2004. In 2014, the number of girls had a little prevalence of obesity, with around 14%, when boys increased to 17% respectively, as percentage as girls that made up by hispanic at the same year. However, the percenatge of girls experienced the most significant growth, rising from 16% to 29%, rather than boys did, with about 20% and 11% by non-hispanic black in 2004 and 2014. Furthermore, the percentage of boys showed a moderate increase, escalating from 13% to 27% by hispanic, whereas, girls reached a low of 12% to 17% in both years.

Word Count: 172

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

girls: 7

non-hispanic: 5

obesity: 4

black: 3

hispanic: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the requirements of the task, but there are some inaccuracies and a lack of clarity. The writing could be more precise and better organized to improve coherence. Consider structuring the report with a clearer distinction between overall trends and specific data points. Also, ensure that all data references are accurate and supported by the visual information.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always logical. The writing contains instances where the connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the main points. To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a central theme that is consistently developed. Using cohesive devices more effectively can also help to link sentences and paragraphs together, creating a smoother flow of information.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. To enhance lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to describing trends and comparisons. Pay attention to using synonyms and varied language to avoid repetition and make the writing more engaging. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context and target audience.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and inaccuracies that affect clarity. There are issues with sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and subject-verb agreement. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to using a variety of sentence structures to add complexity to your writing while maintaining accuracy. Proofreading carefully for errors can also help to identify and correct mistakes.

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