Bar Chart

Band 7+: The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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The image depicts two graphs showing the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12-19 years in the United States, by ethnicity, comparing data from the years 2004 and 2014. In the boys' graph, Non-Hispanic White shows an increase from 12% to 17%; Non-Hispanic Black remains at 20%; Hispanic increases from 19% to 27%. In the girls' graph, Non-Hispanic White increases from 9% to 14%; Non-Hispanic Black also increases from 16% to 29%; Hispanic shows a decrease from 20% to 12%. Each graph has three categories under the heading "Ethnicity," and the data is presented as percentages on the vertical, left-aligned Y-axis ranging from 0 to 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar charts demonstrate the prevailing levels of obesity among boys and girls of ages 12-19 by ethnicity, in the United States in a10 year period between 2004 and 2014.

Overall, both gender groups showed an increase in the percentage of prevalence of obesity from 2004 to 2014. The highest percentage in male group belonged to Hispanic youngsters in 2014, whereas the highest percentage was among the girls aged 12-19 belonged to the Non-hispanic black ethnicity group in 2014.

Regarding the first category of boys between 12-19, the percentage of prevalence of obesity among Non-hispanic white boys increased from 2004 to 2014 by 5%, starting from 12% to 17% respectively. The percentage of Non-hispanic black boys with obesity issues also went up from 11% in 2004 to 20% in 2014. The highest growth was seen among the Hispanic boys which was equal to 13% to 27% in the given period.

Talking about the second group of girls aged 12-19 years, the smallest point of prevalence of obesity rates started from 9% in 2004 among the Non-hispanic white girls and increased to 14% by 2014. The most dramatic growth in the obesity rate was observed among Non-hispanic black girls which started from 16% and increased to 29% in the years 2004 and 2014, respectively. Unlike boys, the change in the percentage of obesity among Hispanic girls was only 4%, 12% in 2004 and 17% in 2014.

Word Count: 235

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

obesity: 7

among: 7

girls: 6

percentage: 6

non-hispanic: 5

12-19: 4

prevalence: 3

highest: 3

group: 3

hispanic: 3

black: 3

increased: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing a general overview and specific details from the bar charts. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported, and the structure could be improved for clarity. For instance, the report mentions '11%' for Non-Hispanic Black boys in 2004, while the visual description states '20%'. Also, the report states '12% in 2004 and 17% in 2014' for Hispanic girls, but the visual description indicates '20% to 12%'. To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and directly reflects the information in the charts. Consider structuring the report with clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs for each gender. Transitions between sentences and ideas are mostly smooth, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved with more precise connecting words or phrases. For example, in the third paragraph, the transition to discussing the girls' data could be smoother. Consider using varied cohesive devices to enhance the connection between ideas and improve the overall readability.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of obesity and ethnicity. Terms like 'prevalence,' 'ethnicity,' and 'Non-Hispanic' are used appropriately. However, there are opportunities to enhance the lexical resource by incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'percentage of prevalence,' consider using synonyms or rephrasing to add nuance and sophistication to the writing. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is precise and accurately reflects the data presented in the charts. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, with a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, in the second paragraph, the sentence 'The highest percentage in male group belonged to Hispanic youngsters in 2014' contains awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Similarly, the sentence 'Unlike boys, the change in the percentage of obesity among Hispanic girls was only 4%, 12% in 2004 and 17% in 2014' contains data inaccuracies. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully for errors and seeking feedback from others can help improve grammatical accuracy.

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