Pie Chart

Band 4+: The charts below show the percentage of electricity used by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

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Image for topic: The charts below show the percentage of electricity used by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

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The image shows two pie charts comparing percentage data from 2007 and 2010 across categories: 2007 - Residential 28%, Commercial 23%, Aluminium 13%, Manufacturing 13%, Other Metals 12%, Mining 9%, Agriculture 1%, Transport 1%; 2010 - Residential 28%, Commercial 23%, Other Metals 18%, Aluminium 11%, Manufacturing 9%, Mining 9%, Agriculture 1%, Transport 1%.

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The pie charts illustrate information regarding the proportion of electricity which used by in eight various sectors in Eastern Australia between 2007 and 2010.

Overall,the noticable part is persentage of electrocity in residential part outraced although ,it is shows simmular number in both years. Also the persentage of electrocity shows higher than second part .

On the one hand the sector commercial presented almost a quarter in 2007 and in 2010. The setorother metals growth from 12% to 18%around the year 2007 and 2010. Additionaly the part of users aluminium decreased from 13% to 11% in 2007 and 2010.

On the other hand persentage of some sectors is not changed such as transport, residential,commercial,minning and agriculture. The persentage of users electosity in various part in Eastern Africa’s plummed in 2010 that 2007.

Word Count: 132

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

persentage: 4

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by describing the main trends and comparing the two years, but it contains several inaccuracies and omissions. Key data points are misreported (e.g., stating residential 'outraced' and that several sectors 'not changed' when only agriculture and transport remained the same). The final sentence introduces an irrelevant reference to 'Eastern Africa' and an unclear claim about a 'plummed' (plummeted) trend, which detracts from the overall accuracy. To improve, focus on accurately summarizing the main changes (e.g., increases in Other Metals, decreases in Aluminium and Manufacturing) and avoid unsupported statements. Additionally, ensure all sectors are mentioned and the comparison is clear and relevant. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report attempts to organize information into paragraphs, but the flow is often disrupted by unclear references and abrupt transitions. The overall message is difficult to follow due to frequent errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph and using cohesive devices (e.g., 'in contrast', 'similarly') to link ideas smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct focus, such as one for sectors that changed and another for those that remained stable.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors (e.g., 'noticable', 'persentage', 'electroicity', 'simmular', 'outraced', 'setorother', 'Additionaly', 'minning', 'plummed'). There is an attempt to use some less common words (e.g., 'outraced', 'plummed'), but they are used incorrectly. To improve, expand your range of vocabulary related to data description (e.g., 'accounted for', 'comprised', 'remained stable', 'experienced a rise') and ensure correct spelling. Practice using precise terms to describe trends and comparisons.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('which used by in'), missing articles, subject-verb agreement issues, and punctuation problems. Sentence structures are often incomplete or unclear. To improve, focus on writing simple, accurate sentences and gradually incorporate more complex structures. Review basic grammar rules, such as verb tense consistency and proper use of prepositions. Proofread your work to eliminate errors and ensure clarity.

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