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Band 5+: The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

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The image presents three pie charts detailing the activities of Australian school leavers in 1980, 1990, and 2000. In 1980, 50% pursued further education, 40% were employed, and 10% were unemployed. In 1990, 38% pursued further education, 50% were employed, and 12% were unemployed. In 2000, 37% pursued further education, 55% were employed, and 8% were unemployed.

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The three pie charts give data about the Australian school leavers after graduating from secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Overall, the number of pupils who completed further education was the highest, While the proportion of employed increased rapidly through the three decades.

To begin with, the percentage rate of jobless people was fluctuated starting from 10% in 1980 to 12% in 1990 and 8% in 2000. In contrast, the percentage of employed people was gradually increasing by 10% in 1990 and 5% in 2000.

Moreover, the rate of students who decided to do further education after graduation was at the highest in 1980 by 50% then dropped to 38% in 1990 and eventually at 37% in the year of 2000

Word Count: 122

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:
No noticeable repetition! Great job!

Task Response

The report covers the main trends and provides relevant data from the pie charts. To improve, consider including more specific comparisons between the categories and years, and ensure that the language used is precise and avoids generalizations. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a general overview and attempts to highlight key trends, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more sophisticated to enhance the flow of information. Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. For example, instead of just 'In contrast,' you could use 'Conversely' or 'On the other hand' to show the relationship between the data points more effectively. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. While words like 'fluctuated,' 'gradually increasing,' and 'dropped' are appropriate, consider using more specific and descriptive language to convey the changes in percentages. For instance, instead of 'dropped,' you could use 'decreased significantly' or 'declined slightly' depending on the magnitude of the change. Expanding your range of vocabulary will help you express the nuances in the data more effectively.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a basic understanding of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage. For example, 'the number of pupils who completed further education was the highest' could be rephrased for better accuracy. Review and correct these errors to improve the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing. Also, focus on constructing more complex sentences while maintaining grammatical correctness to showcase a wider range of grammatical structures.

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