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Band 6+: The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

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The image presents three pie charts detailing the activities of Australian school leavers in 1980, 1990, and 2000. In 1980, 50% pursued further education, 40% were employed, and 10% were unemployed. In 1990, 38% pursued further education, 50% were employed, and 12% were unemployed. In 2000, 37% pursued further education, 55% were employed, and 8% were unemployed.

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The pie charts present what the Australian secondary school students did just after graduation in three different decades.

Overall, while the share of the employed students more in two last presented years, at the first illustrated year the percentage of graduated students who chose further education was the highest.

It is seen from the chart that the proportion of employed school leavers makes up 53%, what is more than a half of the total by 2000. The percentage of those who continued studying and stayed unemployed accounts for 37% and 8% respectively. The highest percentage in 1990 also refers to employed students like in 2000, and school leavers, who had chosen further education, marked as the second the most chosen option comprised 38%. However, the proportion of unemployed graduated students is 4% higher, in comparison with 2000.

Compared with the other two shown years, the share of students, who decided to study further, is 50% of the total. However, the percentage of employed school leavers is still higher than unemployed by 30%, 40% and 10% accordingly.

Word Count: 176

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 6

school: 4

employed: 4

percentage: 4

further: 3

leavers: 3

unemployed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some issues with organization and accuracy. The overview is present but could be more concise and impactful. The body paragraphs contain some inaccuracies in the data reported and could benefit from a clearer structure, perhaps by dedicating a paragraph to each year or trend. The language is generally understandable but contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. To improve, focus on accurate data representation, clearer organization, and more precise language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The 'Overall' paragraph is a good start, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, you could use phrases like 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' or 'Furthermore' to guide the reader through the information. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect or comparison to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity. For example, instead of 'makes up 53%,' you could say 'constitutes 53%.' Also, try to vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'percentage,' consider using 'proportion' or 'share.' Expanding your vocabulary and using synonyms effectively will improve the overall quality of your report.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'while the share of the employed students more in two last presented years' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. It should be rephrased for better accuracy. Similarly, 'what is more than a half of the total by 2000' could be improved for better grammatical structure. Focus on using correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure to enhance the accuracy of your writing. Proofreading carefully for these errors will significantly improve your score.

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