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Band 5+: The charts show the employments of graduates from top US universities in 2004 and the differences compared to 2013.

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The image shows a pie chart and a table. The pie chart depicts sector distribution with Finance/Banking at 39%, Marketing at 14%, Consultancy at 20%, Transport at 4%, Industrial at 9%, and Other at 14%. The table lists percentage changes compared to 2003: Finance/Banking at -17%, Consultancy at -0.5%, Marketing at -2.5%, Others at 0%, Industrial at +8%, and Transport at +8%.

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The pie chart illustrate the proportion of the employments of graduates in six different fields from the best US universities during 2004. While table present their differences in comparaison to 2003.

Overall, it is obvious that the finance and banking sector was the most dominating among the others with a big proportion of 39% in 2004. However, the employments of graduates in the transport field tend to be the lowest to reach 4% in 2004.

Moreover, in 2004, the colsuntancy emplyoments attained 20% and the industrial field witnessed a very small portion with 9%, while employments in marketing and other fields had an equal proportion with 14%.

In contrary, in 2003, these fields witnessed a various changes in the employments of graduate, the proportion of finance and banking field declined dramatically to lose about 17% and the industrial and transport field both they had a slight increase with 8% .

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

proportion: 4

employments: 4

field: 4

fields: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the data and provides an overview with some clear trends identified. There are some inaccuracies in the data reported, and the structure could be improved for clarity. To improve, ensure all data points are accurate and consider a more structured approach to comparing the 2004 data with the changes from 2003.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize information into paragraphs, but the flow of ideas is not always smooth. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. For instance, the connection between the description of 2004 data and the comparison to 2003 data needs clearer signposting. Consider using more effective linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate ('colsuntancy emplyoments'). There's a reliance on basic vocabulary when more precise terms could be used to describe the data. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to trends, proportions, and comparisons. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and avoid repetition of words like 'proportion' and 'field'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('illustrate' instead of 'illustrates'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing ('both they had'). Sentence structure is also quite simple, limiting the complexity of the information conveyed. To improve, focus on practicing grammar rules, particularly verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles. Vary your sentence structure to create a more sophisticated and accurate report.

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