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Band 6+: The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown in the diagrams below.

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Image for topic: The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown in the diagrams below.

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The image shows a line graph depicting pulse rate in beats per minute over time for two individuals: Mabel and Albert. At 0 minutes, Mabel has a pulse rate of 80, Albert at 90; at 1 minute, Mabel: 90, Albert: 110; at 2 minutes, Mabel's pulse peaks at 140, Albert at 130; at 3 minutes, Mabel at 110, Albert at 100; at 4 minutes, both Mabel and Albert equalize at 80.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph compares the changes of pulse beat in 4 minutes rage between Mabel who is one of a office employee, aged 36 and Albert who is a former college athlete aged 26.

Overall, the highest pulse rate was recorded by Mabel with almost 150 beats in second minitues while Albert had the lowest amount of heart beat with over 60 in fourth minutes. In contrast, an athlete aged 26 years had more stability compared to office employee aged 36 years.

The pulse rate of office emplooyes Mabel stood at over 60 at the beginning of the period. In the following minutes, it rocketed from 80 beats in 1 minute to about 150 beats. After that, a sharp decline has seen until forth minutes from 150 in 2 minutes to 80 beats at the end of the period.

Similar pattern between 0-2 minutes can be seen in that of athlete Albert who is younger than Mabel. The amount of pulse beats increased gradually until 2 minutes, accounting for 120 beats followed by a decline to the lowest rate of period, with 60 beats.

Word Count: 184

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

minutes: 7

beats: 7

pulse: 4

mabel: 4

office: 3

albert: 3

athlete: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some inaccuracies and a few areas where the information is not entirely clear. To improve, focus on providing more precise data and ensuring clarity in the description of trends. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance the overall quality of the report.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The introduction provides a basic overview, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions, making it harder to follow the comparison between Mabel and Albert's pulse rates. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to describe the data, but there are instances of imprecise word choice ('amount of heart beat,' 'in fourth minutes'). Expanding your vocabulary related to graphs and trends (e.g., 'peaked,' 'fluctuated,' 'stabilized') would enhance the clarity and sophistication of your writing. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for an academic report. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. These include incorrect verb tenses ('was recorded,' 'has seen'), subject-verb agreement issues ('emplooyes Mabel stood'), and awkward phrasing ('in 4 minutes rage'). While a variety of sentence structures are attempted, the errors detract from the overall impact. Focus on proofreading carefully for grammatical accuracy and sentence construction.

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