Bar Chart

Band 6+: The percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for five years 1980 to 2015.

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Image for topic: The percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for five years 1980 to 2015.

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The image depicts a bar chart showing the percentage of female school-leavers entering higher education in five countries, comparing the years 1980 and 2015. UK: 1980 at 30%, 2015 at 50%; USA: 1980 at 40%, 2015 at 60%; Australia: 1980 at 58%, 2015 at 60%; South Korea: 1980 at 15%, 2015 at 40%; France: 1980 at 50%, 2015 at 55%.

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The bar chart illustrates the amount of women that goes into higher education in UK, Australia,South Korea and France between the year 1980 and 2015. Units are measured in percentages on the charts.

In the year 2015, a large number of women in all these countries went into higher education. However Australia and France has the largest percentage,58% There’s a significant increase in the number of women who went to higher education in USA and UK unlike the year 1980.

South Korea has the smallest percentage of women who graduated into higher education in 1980 ,but there’s a remarkable increase in the year 2015.

While france surpassses the number of females who left for higher education in the UK as at 1980, the both countries had the same population of females school leavers going into higher education in 2015.

Overall, there’s a significant growth in 2015 in the USA, UK and South Korea , a slight growth in France and Australia maintaining its growth from the previous era .

Word Count: 169

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

higher: 6

education: 6

women: 4

france: 4

korea: 3

number: 3

there's: 3

growth: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, providing a general overview of the data and highlighting key trends. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For instance, the report mentions Australia and France having the largest percentage in 2015 at 58%, which is only true for Australia in 1980. Also, the report states that France and the UK had the same population of female school leavers going into higher education in 2015, which is not accurate according to the visual description. To improve, ensure greater accuracy in data reporting and include more specific comparisons and details.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally understandable, but the organization could be improved. Consider grouping information by country or by trend (increase, decrease, etc.) for better flow. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs could also be smoother. For example, the jump from the overall high percentages in 2015 to specific countries feels a bit abrupt. Using cohesive devices like 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' or 'However' more effectively would enhance the connection between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'large number' or 'significant increase,' try more specific terms like 'substantial proportion,' 'considerable growth,' or 'marked rise.' Also, be careful with word choice; 'graduated into higher education' isn't quite right - 'entered higher education' or 'progressed to higher education' would be more accurate. Expanding your range of vocabulary related to trends and proportions will enhance the impact of your report.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Subject-verb agreement issues ('amount of women that goes') and incorrect verb tenses ('Australia and France has') are present. Sentence structure could also be more varied; many sentences follow a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Pay close attention to proofreading for these types of errors, and try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures (e.g., complex sentences with subordinate clauses) to improve grammatical range.

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