Pie Chart

Band 6+: The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the two graphs below.

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The image shows two pie charts of women's highest education level in someland in 1945 and 1995; in 1945: No Schooling 35%, Third Grade 1%, Year 6 15%, Year 9 10%, Year 12 40%, First Degree 0%, Post Graduate 0%; in 1995: No Schooling 0%, Third Grade 0%, Year 6 10%, Year 9 15%, Year 12 50%, First Degree 20%, Post Graduate 5%.

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The pie charts illustrate women’s highest level of education in unknown country in 1945 and 1955 years. 7 levels of education are presented in here, starting with ‘No schooling’ and in ascending order to ‘Post graduate’.

Overall, literacy of women was much lower in earlier year, most of them not getting education at all and finishing only 3 grades. However later, it changed drastically, most of women being able to have first degree and post graduate education.

A 35% of female in 1945 had no schooling and same percentage of them had 3 years education, whereas those numbers decreased to 0% in 1995 and women had at least 9 years of education in that time. While 1% of women got first degree and 0% – post graduate degree, it changed to 50% and 20%, respectively, in 1995.

In addition, figures for 12 years of education rose over time, from 4% in 1945 to 20%, 50 years later. ‘Year 9’ level of education was had by 10% in both years.

Word Count: 169

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

education: 7

years: 6

women: 4

degree: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides a general overview of the data. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the report states that 35% of females in 1945 had 3 years of education, which is incorrect. Also, the report mentions that figures for 12 years of education rose from 4% to 20%, which is also inaccurate. To improve, ensure that all data is accurately represented and that all key features of the data are highlighted.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate overview, but the organization could be improved for better flow. The progression of ideas is not always smooth, and some sentences feel disjointed. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, transition words and phrases could enhance the logical connection between sentences. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to describe the data, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the description. For example, instead of saying 'unknown country', use 'Someland'. Also, avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences. Expanding your vocabulary related to education levels and changes over time would be beneficial. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage. For example, 'A 35% of female' should be '35% of females'. Also, 'Year 9 level of education was had by 10% in both years' is awkwardly phrased and could be improved for better clarity and conciseness. Proofread carefully to identify and correct these errors.

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