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Band 5+: Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the 2 graphs below

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The image contains two pie charts comparing the highest level of education of women in Someland for the years 1945 and 1995. In 1945: No schooling 35%, Third grade 4%, Year 6 15%, Year 9 20%, Year 12 10%, First degree 1%, Post graduate 15%. In 1995: No schooling 1%, Third grade 2%, Year 6 4%, Year 9 5%, Year 12 10%, First degree 50%, Post graduate 28%.

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The given pie charts shows the highest education profile of women in mentioned someland of two years 1945 and 1995

Overall, it is clear from the graph that, in past, women achieved less education qualification and not going to school was still in practice than the latter year where most women studied until degree and also post graduate was introduced here.

To begin with, in 1945, almost quarter proportion of women did not even go to school and similar percentage of female left education after third grade followed by this women attending school till grade six was 15%. Degree courses were less common and only 1% women were enrolled to it.

However, in case of 1955, half of the total percentage of women attended the degree which is a 50% rise in comparison to 1945. Also, in this latter year, there was 20% of the girls studying post graduate courses and year 12 each and the least being 10% of the women studying year 9.

Word Count: 165

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

women: 8

education: 3

school: 3

degree: 3

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Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task, presenting the main trends and key features of the data. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For instance, the report mentions 20% of girls studying postgraduate courses and year 12, but the chart shows 28% for postgraduate and 10% for year 12. Also, the year 1955 is mentioned instead of 1995. To improve, ensure accuracy in data reporting and avoid misinterpreting the information presented in the graphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has some issues with coherence and cohesion. The organization is present, but the flow of information could be improved. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the comparison of the two pie charts. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the sentences within the paragraph logically support that focus.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language. For instance, instead of 'less education qualification,' consider using 'lower levels of educational attainment.' Also, try to vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as finding alternative ways to describe proportions and percentages.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Sentence structure could also be improved to enhance readability. Review basic grammar rules and practice constructing more complex sentences accurately. Pay close attention to proofreading your work to identify and correct errors before submission.

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