Bar Chart

Band 6+: Writing task 1 The chart below shows the percentages of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities at home in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: Writing task 1 The chart below shows the percentages of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities at home in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays a bar chart titled "Time parents spent helping their children, 2013," detailing the percentage of help from mothers, fathers, or both across four children's activities. For Dressing, the percentages are Mother 70%, Father 20%, and Both 5%. For Homework, the values are Mother 60%, Father 30%, and Both 10%. In Playing games, the figures are Mother 25%, Father 70%, and Both 5%. For Preparing for beds, the percentages are Mother 45%, Father 50%, and Both 5%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given bar chart depicts how much time Australian parents allocated to help their children for four different activities in 2013.

Overall, in 2013, mothers in Australia spent most of their time on helping their children with dressing and homework, whereas Australian fathers allocated their time for playing games and preparing for bed with their offspring . Noticeably, the rates of both mothers and fathers spent time helping their children with all five activities were remarkably lower in the surveyed year.

On the one hand, in 2013, the amount of time Australian mothers allocated to help their children with dressing and homework had the most profound rates, accounting for around 75% and 60%, compared to that of fathers around 50% and 38%, respectively. Nevertheless, the figures for parents were remarkably lesser, with no more than 10%.

On the other hand, fathers spent most of their time playing games with their children as the proportion of time registered at 70%, followed by that of preparing for bed, but to a lesser extent, was 50% in 2013. By contrast, the proportions of time mothers spent on playing games and preparing for bed were exponentially smaller, only about 25% and 41%, respectively. Finally, parents had the lowest ratios of time allocated for playing games and preparing for bed.

Word Count: 215

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 9

children: 5

allocated: 4

mothers: 4

spent: 4

fathers: 4

playing: 4

games: 4

preparing: 4

australian: 3

parents: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview and highlighting key trends and differences in the time spent by Australian mothers and fathers on various activities with their children. The organization is logical, with a clear introduction, overview, and separate paragraphs for mothers and fathers. However, there are some minor inaccuracies and a few areas where the language could be more precise. To improve, ensure that all data points are accurately represented and consider using a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview of the data, but the organization could be improved for better flow. The 'Overall' paragraph is a good start, but the subsequent paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main trends. Consider grouping activities by the parent who spends more time on them to enhance coherence. For example, discuss dressing and homework together, followed by playing games and preparing for bed. Also, avoid using 'five activities' when only four are presented in the chart.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as 'allocated,' 'offspring,' 'profound,' and 'exponentially.' However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, 'rates' might be better expressed as 'percentages' or 'proportions.' Also, consider varying your vocabulary to describe quantities and comparisons to avoid repetition (e.g., instead of always using 'amount of time,' try 'duration' or 'portion'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, 'the amount of time Australian mothers allocated to help their children with dressing and homework had the most profound rates' is a bit awkward and could be rephrased for better clarity and grammatical correctness. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition choice. Proofreading carefully can help identify and correct these errors.

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