Letter

Band 5+: You are organizing a charity fundraising event at your workplace and need to coordinate with your manager for approval and support. Write a letter to your manager, requesting permission and assistance for the event. You should explain: - The purpose and details of the fundraising event - The resources you will need from the company - How the event will benefit the company's image.

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Dear Mr. Joe,

I am Ronald Vallentine from the maintenance department. I will be responsible for a charity fundraising event scheduled next week Friday, December 14th. On this occasion, we will include the employee of the year award as well. Consider the holy month or Ramadhan for our moslem colleagues, It would be perfect if we can set up the event in the evening time. We are planning to clean up the aft workshop and spot the decorations few days before the due date.

On the other hand, the participants would be over 100 persons. I will need your support to provide the chairs and tables as well. We can rent those equipment from the same vendor, and hoping same discount like previous event. Furthermore, the sound system and accoutic band sometimes hard to get it, negotiations are required for possible low price. Other than that, the catering need to order at least 3 days in advance. In addition, They mostly ask down payment as well.

Since the preparations is quite a lot, and I think the time is very tight. I would be appreciate if you can give some volunteers to make this event success.

Thank’s for your attention and I look forward to your prompt reply,

Best Regards,

Ronald Vallentine

Word Count: 212

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

event: 4

would: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the task by outlining the needs for the charity fundraising event, including the date, time, location, equipment, and volunteers. However, some information is irrelevant or unclear, such as mentioning Ramadan without a clear connection to the event's needs. The letter could be improved by providing more specific details about the required equipment and the number of volunteers needed. Also, ensure all information is directly relevant to the request for logistical arrangements.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization could be improved for better clarity. Consider using more explicit topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main point. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt; using cohesive devices like 'therefore,' 'however,' or 'in addition' can help smooth the flow. Group related ideas together logically to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there's room to enhance it with more specific and professional language. For instance, instead of saying 'clean up the aft workshop,' you could say 'prepare the workshop area.' Similarly, replace 'spot the decorations' with 'place the decorations.' Using a wider range of vocabulary will make the letter sound more polished and precise.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage ('a,' 'an,' 'the'). Sentence structure can also be varied to improve readability. Proofread carefully to catch and correct these errors.

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