Letter

Band 5+: You recently purchased a product online, but it arrived with a significant defect. Write a letter to the company explaining the situation. You should include details about: - the product you purchased and the date of purchase - the nature of the defect - what action you would like the company to take.

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To: Apple

From: Nay

Good Afternoon, I recently purchase a phone from your company on 18 of August 2023. I was planning on giving it as a gift for my mom birthday. She was ecstatic when she found out I gave her a phone. But when she opened it, she found that the new phone which has always been sealed had a huge defect on the screen making some part of the screen unreadable. Ofcourse this is a huge disappointment for me and my family because not only I bought this phone for a very expensive price but because I have been waiting for this phone ever since it was released. I hope I will get a refund or maybe a compensation for this disappointment. If those conditions are not met, I might sue this company for good.

Regards,

Nay

Word Count: 140

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

phone: 5

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses the task by explaining the situation, including details about the product, purchase date, and the defect. It also states the desired action. However, the tone is somewhat informal and includes a threat of legal action, which is inappropriate for a first communication. To improve, maintain a more professional tone and focus on a reasonable resolution. The letter falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is generally coherent, but the tone shifts abruptly from disappointment to a threat of legal action, which disrupts the flow. Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout. Also, paragraphing could be improved to separate the introduction, the description of the problem, and the desired action into distinct paragraphs for better organization.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but could be more precise and varied. For example, instead of 'huge defect,' you could use 'significant malfunction' or 'prominent flaw.' Varying your word choice can make the letter more impactful. Also, avoid using informal words such as 'Ofcourse'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'I recently purchase' should be 'I recently purchased,' and 'mom birthday' should be 'mom's birthday.' Also, the sentence structure could be improved for better flow and accuracy. Pay close attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles.

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