Opinion

Band 5+: 1-APS. After reading the APU2030 Vision and Admission Policy, explain in detail what you aim to learn within your college of choice (APS: College of Asia Pacific Studies), and how it relates to your future goals. (Maximum 200 words)

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My goal is to study international relations at the College of Asia Pacific Studies (APS). Since childhood, I have a big dream to do something for the human being. APU offers multicultural campus and global learning, which will help me work and solve problems like regional conflicts, poverty, climate issues throughout the whole world specially the Asia Pacific region and Bangladesh.

APU’s 2030 Vision and Admission Policy aiming to work for regional cooperation, sustainable development, cross-cultural communication, freedom, peace, humanity, and international mutual understanding, all of which are indispensable for addressing contemporary global issues. These rich multicultural environment of APU will teach me how to collaborate across cultures and solve real-world problems, and make me an active global leader who can change the world.

Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University (APU) also offers a flexible curriculum where I can gain deep analytical, critical thinking, and structured reasoning skills, which match my future goal of becoming a global policy analyst. I intend to work with international organizations like the United Nations to provide recommendations on issues like diplomacy, trade, and security. By acquiring both theoretical insight and practical skills at APS in APU, I will be able to achieve my goal.

Word Count: 198

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

global: 4

international: 3

pacific: 3

which: 3

issues: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified your chosen college, linked your academic interests to the APU 2030 Vision, and provided a specific career goal (global policy analyst) that connects your studies to your future. The position is well-developed and the ideas are relevant. To improve and reach a higher level of precision, try to avoid slightly generic phrasing such as 'do something for the human being' and instead use more professional terminology like 'contribute to humanitarian efforts' or 'address global challenges.' Additionally, ensure grammatical consistency, such as matching singular/plural nouns with their verbs (e.g., 'APU offers a multicultural campus' instead of 'APU offers multicultural campus'). The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical progression, moving from personal motivation to the university's vision and finally to specific career goals. However, the transitions between sentences could be smoother. Some sentences are slightly fragmented or lack the necessary connective tissue to make the flow feel 'effortless.' To improve, try using more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus that links back to the prompt's requirement of connecting learning to future goals.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, such as 'regional conflicts,' 'cross-cultural communication,' and 'global policy analyst.' These terms demonstrate an understanding of the subject matter. To reach a higher band, aim for more precision and variety. For example, instead of saying 'do something for the human being,' which is quite vague and slightly unnatural, you could use 'contribute to the betterment of humanity' or 'address humanitarian challenges.' Avoid repetitive phrasing and strive for more academic collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical inaccuracies that hinder the professional tone of the essay. Specifically, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'APU's 2030 Vision... aiming' should be 'aims') and article usage (e.g., 'offers multicultural campus' should be 'offers a multicultural campus'). Additionally, some sentence structures are slightly awkward. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that your verb tenses and noun-number agreements are consistent throughout the text.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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