Cause And Solution

Band 5+: A growing number of young people are choosing to live in large urban centers rather than staying in their rural hometowns, leading to the decline of countryside communities. What are the causes of this migration and what measures can be taken to encourage people to stay in rural areas?

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Nowadays we have a problem of Urbanization. Young generation is seeking career steps and sustainable future in the modern towns integrated with comfort the world gives. But it leaves their parents, old generation behind, who obviously can not take care of themselves on their own. There are several solutions that countries implementing to hold the people in rural areas, such ass connecting the infrastructure and giving the convenient place to stay.

The younglings from every part of the world want success, or at least a comfortable life, and in order to achieve it they migrate from their countryside to promising city, leaving behind their hometown. Urbanization, despite having it is own advantages, gradually weakens the parts of the country that is less developed than others, taking the promising kids from them, basically slowing their already snail-speed improvements to nothingness. The best example to such unpleasant situation is Russia. It already has it’s own “Dead” cities. The attention Moscow, it’s capital, is getting has colossal difference between federation’s rural areas. This is so obvious, that people themselves already call Moscow a small kingdom in the middle of graveyard, referring to cities, affected by population leaving everything behind for a fortune in the capital. Such things actually sound scary and hopeless.

Though the damage is done, the world noticed the problem. Several companies are already starting their own programmes in order to prevent this kind of outcome. Even my country, Uzbekistan, is started it’s own changes inside to stop the grouping of it’s best individuals in one place. By creating better infrastructure in Samarkand, healing the lands of Karakalpakistan, and creating workspaces for young to take throughout the country, Uzbekistan is trying to stop Urbanization.

The problem already was here for long time, and it is people who ignored it. Now it took roots and already showedd it’s influence. But world noticed it and in it’s way to deal with it. The new workplaces to work, comfortable and improved cities will show their worth soon, when people would not have any reason to move, to abandon the very town that raised them.

Word Count: 350

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

already: 6

world: 4

people: 4

problem: 3

behind: 3

country: 3

cities: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for rural-to-urban migration and some steps to revitalize rural areas. A position is presented, and main ideas are relevant. However, the development is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The reasons for migration are mentioned (seeking success and comfortable life) but not fully explored. The solutions are also general (improving infrastructure, creating workspaces) and could be more specific and detailed. There are some lapses in clarity and focus, and the essay would benefit from a more structured approach with clear topic sentences and stronger support for the ideas presented.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear referencing. For example, the introduction introduces the problem but does not clearly outline the essay's direction. The second paragraph shifts from a general statement to a specific example (Russia) without a smooth transition. The conclusion attempts to summarize but introduces new ideas (e.g., 'new workplaces') that were not fully developed earlier. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', 'As a result') to link ideas more smoothly. Also, ensure that the conclusion restates the main points without introducing new information.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'urbanization', 'migrate', 'infrastructure', 'revitalize'), but there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For instance, 'younglings' is informal and not appropriate for academic writing; 'snail-speed improvements' is too colloquial; and 'the grouping of it's best individuals' is unclear. Additionally, there are spelling errors like 'ass' instead of 'as' and 'showedd' instead of 'showed'. To improve, use more precise and formal vocabulary, avoid informal expressions, and proofread for spelling errors. Also, vary word choice to avoid repetition (e.g., 'young generation', 'younglings', 'kids' could be replaced with 'young people' or 'youth'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement ('countries implementing' should be 'countries are implementing'), incorrect use of apostrophes ('it's' instead of 'its'), and tense inconsistencies ('is started' should be 'has started'). There are also run-on sentences and missing punctuation. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, correct use of possessive pronouns, and consistent verb tenses. Additionally, practice using complex sentences with appropriate subordinators (e.g., 'although', 'while') to enhance grammatical range. Proofreading carefully can help eliminate many of these errors.

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