Opinion

Band 5+: After graduation many students take a year to travel. Some think that it would be more useful to work for a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays in some countries students after leaving their schools, take a gap year and go travelling instead of working. Personally, I completely agree with take a gap year and go traveling points of views primarily, because gap year and traveling gives time to think about future moreover new opportunities.

With regards to take gap year and traveling have clear advantages. Firstly, majority of students do not have a time to think about future, because of exams, such as SAT, IELTS. Meanwhile after all of these stresses, for someone go to trip good way to broadens horizon, thinking about job that they will work in the near future. Secondly, students who’s spend their one year for traveling are not lose one year, instead of these they can get new opportunities and proposal, namely put on their future life being successful and work, because of having dream to live being a rich and move to another country.

On the other hand, working immediately after school has advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, several of people whose work after school they do not pay attention on studying on the university and can’t kip balance between working and studying. However, some students with strong discipline can lead both of them. Secondly, working helps being independent in terms of money without relying on parents financially. Many young people depend on their parents, as a result they will not have personal boundaries because of parents and they will not be able to think on their own.

In conclusion, although students life depends on their decision, however one wrong decision does not mean that is the end of their life.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

students: 5

after: 4

working: 4

traveling: 4

because: 4

future: 4

think: 3

about: 3

being: 3

parents: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position agreeing with taking a gap year. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity in places. The arguments are relevant but not fully extended or supported with specific examples. There are also issues with coherence and cohesion, as the essay lacks clear paragraphing and logical progression. To improve, focus on developing each idea with more detail and examples, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, work on grammar and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the introduction is confusing and does not clearly state the writer's position. The body paragraphs present some relevant points but lack smooth transitions and logical progression. The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main arguments. To improve, focus on creating a clear thesis statement, using cohesive devices appropriately, and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more sophisticated words (e.g., 'broadens horizon', 'personal boundaries'). However, there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'take a gap year and go traveling points of views', 'kip balance'). The phrasing is often unnatural and repetitive. To improve, expand your vocabulary, use precise and appropriate terms, and practice using collocations correctly. Also, avoid informal or incorrect expressions and ensure that the language is formal and academic. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'students who's spend'), verb tense consistency, articles, prepositions, and sentence structure. Many sentences are incomplete or run-on, and punctuation is often incorrect. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences correctly, and proofread your work to eliminate errors. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures accurately to enhance readability.

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