Opinion

Band 4+: As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people take less exercise than staying at home to watch TV and playing computer, this can make their health harmful. In my view, I absolutely agree that as much work is made people sit a lot and outdoor activities are replaced by technologies, human’s health is in danger.

First, the main reason is that office work helps people sit a lot instead of moving around. Computer support human tasks done at home quickly. For example, many employees spend nine hours everyday to complete their duty in front of the computer. After work, they still watch television or surf the Net in the smartphone lead to the worse lifestyle.

On the other hand, people lifestyle rechange from playing in outdoor such as hang out with friends or family to stay and spend all the time at home to watch and play game online. For instance, instead of hanging out with friends to play sports, technologies take children over five hours per day to enjoy with their phone. It reduces the amount of physical activities necessary for physical development.

In conclusion, although the technologies support people a lot in their daily routine, it still have harmful effects on health.

Word Count: 198

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

their: 4

watch: 3

computer: 3

health: 3

technologies: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. The main ideas are relevant but lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and expand on the reasoning behind your claims. Focus on developing each point more fully to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs needs improvement. Transitions between sentences and ideas are often weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas and improve the overall coherence. Paragraphing could be more effective by focusing each paragraph on a single, clear idea.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and somewhat limited, which restricts the depth of the discussion. There are instances of imprecise word choice (e.g., "rechange"). To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary that is more specific and nuanced. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations related to the topic of technology, health, and lifestyle. Pay attention to using words accurately and appropriately in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors frequently impede understanding. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing simple sentences correctly before attempting more complex constructions. Review and correct grammatical errors in your writing regularly.

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Band 4+: As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Lexical Resource

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As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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