Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 7+: As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think that the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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In today’s society, there is a debate about whether promoting enterprises to relocate in the countryside can solve the existing infrastructure problems in many big cities or not. While there are some possible disadvantages of this, I still believe its positive aspects are more significant.

To begin with, placing businesses in the rural areas can offer two negative outcomes. The first drawback is that the infrastructure may not be guaranteed. To explain, the countryside doesn’t likely prioritize transportation and amenities development, so it could be a hindrance to the delivery of materials or products to other places. Another limitation of operating the manufacture in remote areas is that the quality of the work force may not be achieved. Because individuals who live in rural areas may not have many opportunities to get high skills, the company may need to spend more time on training their employees.

However, encouraging businesses to move to rural areas can result in two positive aspects. The first benefit is that it could solve the accommodation and transportation problems existing in big cities. The major reason for the overload of the infrastructure of cities may be due to most job opportunities being in the cities which attract people going to these places. Therefore, if the enterprises relocate to other regions, it can reduce the amount of civilians in the cities. Another strength of concentrating companies in remote areas is that it can help solve pollution issues more easily. This is because the number of individuals and vehicles can be spread out which can make exhausted fumes not focus on one city. Moreover, the industrial waste of the factories could be gathered and treated together, so their contaminants can be controlled and examined more efficiently.

In conclusion, although encouraging businesses to move out of the cities can be inconvenient in some ways, I believe this shift can offer more benefits. To ensure a smooth operation of enterprises, the countrysides’ infrastructure and workforce’s skills should be invested and prioritized.

Word Count: 331

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cities: 6

areas: 5

infrastructure: 4

enterprises: 3

solve: 3

businesses: 3

rural: 3

could: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear, consistent position throughout. The ideas are well-organized, with a logical progression from the disadvantages to the advantages. The writer provides relevant supporting details, such as the link between job availability and urban overcrowding, which strengthens the argument. To reach a higher score, the development of ideas could be even more nuanced. For instance, in the paragraph regarding disadvantages, the connection between a lack of skilled labor and the specific 'cost' or 'difficulty' for a business could be expanded slightly to provide more depth. Additionally, ensuring more precise vocabulary usage (e.g., using 'urbanization' or 'decentralization' instead of 'moving out of cities') would enhance the academic tone.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. The use of cohesive devices like 'To begin with', 'However', and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader. To improve, try to use more sophisticated linking phrases and ensure that the transition between ideas within paragraphs is even more seamless. Some sentences feel slightly repetitive in structure; varying your sentence openings would enhance the flow.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'infrastructure', 'amenities', 'relocate', and 'contaminants'. However, there are some instances of imprecise word choices (e.g., 'promoting enterprises' instead of 'encouraging businesses', or 'the quality of the work force may not be achieved' instead of 'the quality of the workforce may be insufficient'). Aim for more natural collocations and academic precision to reach a higher band.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally hinder the smoothness of reading. For example, 'the countryside doesn't likely prioritize' should be 'the countryside is unlikely to prioritize', and 'the amount of civilians' should be 'the number of civilians' (as civilians are countable). Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of adverbial phrases to improve accuracy.

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