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Band 7+: Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many older people do not exercise enough. What could be the reason for this? What can be done to encourage them to do physical activities?

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It is often recommended by medical professionals that exercising frequently is more beneficial for elderly people. Regardless, this practice is not applied enough by these people. This is due to many reasons; nevertheless, there are many methods which can stimulate older people to participate in physical activities more.

One of the primary causing the lack of exercising lies in the health status of elders. Specifically, when humans get older, they are more likely to be diagnosed with many diseases and aches which can detrimentally limit their movement – back pain, for instance, is a problem, mostly prevalent among elder adults, which deteriorates after each year of hard-working, leading to discomfort when moving around. Furthermore, the abatement in exercising among elders can also be explained as a ramification of the loss of interest in physical activities. To clarify, the older people get, the more they prefer watching sports which require high intensity. Taking football for example, this sport slowly becomes less appealing to them as their health status decreases over time – in the UK, the rate of people over 65 attending football matches is much higher than other age groups, while the rate of them directly participating in games is the opposite.

Regarding the solutions to reduce this phenomenon, one of which is that elder people should be advised by their close friends and family. Having their most trusted people clarifying about the advantages of exercising regularly, they will comprehend and perceive workout differently, thus leading to the shift in their daily routine. Alternatively, instead of playing sports in high level, older adults can join leagues for people around the same age, or participating in less intense physical activities, such as jogging. Not only assisting them to be in shape, it can also arouse their forgotten passion in these sports because of its competitiveness.

In conclusion, whilst older people, due to their health status, lack of interest in exercising, are lacking of regular workout, this problem can be adjusted by detailed clarification, and participating more suitable sports.

Word Count: 337

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

their: 7

exercising: 5

which: 5

older: 5

sports: 4

physical: 3

activities: 3

health: 3

status: 3

participating: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: reasons for older people not exercising enough and solutions to encourage them. A clear position is presented, and the main ideas are relevant. However, there are some lapses in clarity and precision. For instance, the phrase 'One of the primary causing the lack of exercising' is awkward and unclear. Additionally, the example about football attendance in the UK seems contradictory and not well-supported. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that examples directly support the point being made. Also, refine language for greater precision and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. The introduction presents the topic and outlines the main points. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect (reasons and solutions), and the conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Alternatively'). Overall, the message is easy to follow, but there is room for more sophisticated linking.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some sophisticated choices (e.g., 'detrimentally', 'ramification', 'abatement', 'arouse'). There are occasional inaccuracies or awkward phrasings (e.g., 'primary causing the lack of exercising', 'the rate of people over 65 attending football matches is much higher than other age groups' - this seems contradictory). The use of collocations is generally appropriate, but some expressions could be more natural. Overall, the lexical resource is strong, but not consistently precise. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay displays a wide range of grammatical structures with good control. Complex sentences are used effectively, and there are no major grammar errors. Punctuation is generally accurate. Minor issues include a few awkward phrasings (e.g., 'the primary causing the lack of exercising' should be 'the primary cause of the lack of exercise') and a slight inconsistency in the football example. Overall, the grammar is strong and contributes to the clarity of the essay.

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