Opinion

Band 6+: Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to the babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Fatherhood should be equally important than motherhood. Most people think that mothers should decide whether she wants baby or not because they can give birth to a baby. I disagree with the statement due the reason that, fathers are also equally liable in the choice of owing a baby. The decision should be made with the agreement of both parents since, both decisions are valuable and effective for the future of the kids.

Firstly, mother and father are way too important for a child. If both parents are agreeing on having a baby, they may become a good parent because they are ready to fulfill their responsibilities. For example, a mother and father want a child, they start to think about education and the life they will give to their child. They try to make savings, decorate the room, buy toys and much more. So, the decision of both parents is crucial.

Secondly, mothers are not only responsible for taking a decision about giving birth to a child. Fathers are also accountable for it. For example, if mother is answerable for the nourishment of child, for taking care of his or her studies, then, father is liable for the financial and social support of child. If both parents pay attention to their duties they grow a healthy mind. It is only possible if they both concur their obligations.

In conclusion, fatherhood and motherhood are two undeniable things in children lives. It is not like that mothers have all the rights to get a lead because she can give birth to an infant. Both are evenly substantial for the healthy growth of the individual

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

child: 6

parents: 4

their: 4

should: 3

mothers: 3

because: 3

birth: 3

decision: 3

mother: 3

father: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but the supporting examples could be more precise and fully developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific evidence and elaborating on the connections between your examples and your main points. Also, ensure a consistently high level of grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are somewhat basic. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing and to clearly link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, you could use 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' to introduce additional points, and 'Therefore' or 'Consequently' to indicate the logical consequences of your arguments.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and sophistication. Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and effectively. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'important,' consider synonyms like 'essential,' 'crucial,' or 'significant' depending on the context. Also, focus on using collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the naturalness of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate use of articles and prepositions. Review your work carefully to identify and correct these errors. Also, try to vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.

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