Opinion

Band 5+: In many countries much public and private money is being spent on space exploration.

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Since the first Russian Cosmonaut, Yuri Gagarin, has arrived on space, becoming a trend for developed countries such as the United States and the Soviet Union to spend much public and private money on space exploration nowadays. Is this a good way to spend money on this term? Some people could argue that spending money on a part of scientific research is an investment. However, I contend that spending money on space exploration creates new problems, for the following reasons.

First of all, some people in developed countries often claim that they do this as life investment for their younger generation. This may because people in developed countries love to challenge their ability and they are extremely curious about new technology. However, people from developing countries think investing for real issues that have to solve urgently is a must. they prefer to spend their money on tackling crucial problems such as welfare, health and education than spend their money on space exploration. For instance, Indonesia faces many problems on equality of public health services and education facilities.

Secondly, some people in developed countries could also claim that finding new planets to live means nurturing earth’s environment. They may think that in the future people can have more places to live due to global warming issue today. However, finding new place in space is not a good choice. In addition, space exploration action has contributed to global warming becoming a pedantic issue recently and hence it has impacted on climate change as well. Because pollution caused by air trafic contributes more than 2 % emissions.

In conclusion, spending much money on space exploration is not a good way.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

space: 7

money: 7

people: 6

countries: 5

exploration: 5

developed: 4

spend: 4

their: 4

spending: 3

however: 3

problems: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position: that space exploration is not a good use of money. The writer provides two main arguments: the opportunity cost regarding social issues (health, education) and the environmental impact of space travel. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. The first body paragraph introduces a comparison between developed and developing countries, which is relevant, but the connection to why this makes space exploration a 'bad' investment could be more explicitly linked to the concept of resource allocation. The second body paragraph touches on a very interesting point regarding the carbon footprint of space travel, but the argument is slightly underdeveloped and the phrasing 'pedantic issue' is used incorrectly in this context. To improve, ensure that each supporting idea is fully extended with logical explanations. For example, instead of just stating that Indonesia has problems, explain how redirecting space budgets to such nations would create a tangible benefit. Additionally, work on precision in vocabulary to ensure that complex ideas are communicated accurately.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by awkward phrasing. The transition between the idea of 'challenging abilities' and the needs of 'developing countries' is a bit abrupt. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence and that cohesive devices (like 'consequently', 'on the other hand', or 'furthermore') are used more naturally to link sentences rather than just starting sentences with 'However'.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher bands. There are instances of imprecise word choices, such as 'pedantic issue' (which is used incorrectly in this context) and 'space exploration action'. Additionally, there is some repetition of words like 'money' and 'people'. Aim to use a wider range of synonyms (e.g., 'expenditure', 'funding', 'citizens', 'individuals') and more academic collocations to enhance the lexical variety. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence attempts, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'arrived on space' instead of 'arrived in space'), and sentence fragments (e.g., 'Because pollution caused by air trafic...'). There are also errors in capitalization and punctuation. To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that every sentence is a complete thought with correct grammatical components.

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