Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Finding work nowadays can be difficult. Not in the sense of the lack of jobs, but for the fact that there are lots of sacrafices to be made to ensure that you have the best job you can get. Where it’s not the case for everybody, many people have lost friends and even family members to find the job they are passionately seeking.

Some advantages may be that with having the job that you left your home for, you can now provide more for you friends and family even if you are not present physically in their lives. Having a secure job with a good pay will always be an advantage no matter how far you are from your loved ones. Another advantage might be taking some time for your own and figuring out life as an independent human. A lot of people nowadays depend on their family for living, so being away from them might teach you how to have you own life and provide for others. Even though there are advantages, missing the people you enjoy spending time with is a big disadvantage. Having experienced that myself, it’s hard for us humans to leave the people we love even if it is for the better. Another disadvantage is not having support in times of need by others, since you move away from the people that are there for you, it can be hard for some people to trust strangers even in times of need.

Overall, seeking work in far areas from the ones we live in has both pros and cons but as long as you are able to have a good happy life, go for it.

Word Count: 279

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

having: 4

there: 3

family: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages discussed. Also, ensure a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to logically structure the arguments. However, the connections between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened to improve the flow. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader. Paragraphing is generally adequate, but could be refined to better group related ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, 'sacrafices' should be 'sacrifices'. Try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic of work, relocation, and personal relationships. Focus on using synonyms and varied expressions to enhance the richness of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are present and occasionally impede understanding. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate punctuation. Review the basics of English grammar and proofread carefully to minimize errors. For example, 'Where it's not the case for everybody' is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.

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