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Band 4+: In many countries today, insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society?

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in recent years, people in many countries show insufficient respective to senior citizens. This essay will discuss about the contributing factor of this phenomena and the problem that might arise in society and how to tackle this problem.

One of the factor that contribute to this behavior is the dependence of technology. Nowadays, younger people addict to their smartphones which can significantly reduces face to face interaction, include interaction of the younger and the older people. For instance, younger people prefer to socialize with their online friend in instagram rather than with their parents. Furthermore, influencer in social media can shape the behavior of the younger that might result in insufficient respect to older people. Parents should cultivate the respectful manners on their children and become role model to their children This phenomena can make older people feel ignored and unappreciated.

Furthermore, it may leave order people feeling undervalued by society. In addition, it will lead to the conflict of young and senior citizen in the country.Parents should cultivate the good manners of their children and become their children’s role model. Government should also encourage the formal education to teach the young generation about respectful and politeness in the school.

Teacher can foster the students to maintain cultural values in daily life so that the respectful behavior can be deeply rooted in the younger generations. By upholding cultural values in daily life, these values can be instilled in the younger generation. As a result, young people will develop greater respect to older.

Word Count: 252

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 8

their: 7

younger: 6

older: 4

behavior: 3

should: 3

respectful: 3

children: 3

young: 3

values: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt but only partially. It identifies reasons (technology, social media) and problems (feeling ignored, conflict), but the development is limited and lacks depth. The position is present but not consistently clear. There are some irrelevant parts (solutions are not asked for) and repetition. To improve, focus on fully addressing both parts of the prompt with more detailed explanations and examples, and avoid introducing solutions unless asked. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is disrupted by abrupt transitions and repetitive ideas. The introduction mentions discussing problems and solutions, but the body paragraphs mix causes and solutions without clear organization. Cohesive devices are used sparingly and sometimes inaccurately. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use a range of linking words appropriately.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'insufficient respect', 'senior citizens', 'undervalued'), but there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'respective' instead of 'respect', 'addict to' instead of 'are addicted to', 'cultivate the respectful manners' instead of 'cultivate respectful manners'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are repetitive. To improve, expand your vocabulary, use precise terms, and proofread for word form errors. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('younger people addict' should be 'younger people are addicted'), incorrect verb forms ('can significantly reduces' should be 'can significantly reduce'), and missing articles ('the dependence of technology' should be 'the dependence on technology'). There are also punctuation issues and run-on sentences. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences accurately, and proofread carefully.

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