Opinion

Band 5+: In many parts of the world, families are spending less time together. Why is this happening and what are the effects on society?

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In many parts of the world, especially in underdeveloped countries, families are spending less time together. This essay will discuss the problems associated with this issue, and suggest some solutions to try and solve this problem.

First of all, Many people from underdeveloped countries like Lebanon decide to migrate to a better country for a better quality of life, and much more opportunities. The main reason for most of the people is that they want to help their parents financially. Additionally, they want to experience life at the fullest and to not be stuck in a country especially when your future is unstable and unknown. Many students and young people starting at the age of 20 migrate to Europe or America for a better financial life and a superiority of life. This will affect society as many talented people like engineers and doctors decide to immigrate. Therefore, this will impact the society in a negative way.

However, we can fix this problem by finding the win-win solution for all. It’s that people starts to talk to their parents more through the internet like whatsapp or facebook. After all, at one point we will have to use the internet for our benefits. In addition, they can also come to their home country 2 to 3 months a year so that way parents won’t feel sad and distant from their children. Many people form Canada or France visit their parents every year and it is working because after all a parent wants the best for their children and they understand the situation. Consequently, accepting that their children immigrate to another country to secure their future.

In summary, I think that the people that decide to change country are making a good decision. However, they must keep in touch with their families and their loved ones because after all we only have each other.

Word Count: 311

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

people: 7

country: 5

parents: 4

decide: 3

better: 3

after: 3

children: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant ideas. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The focus on migration as the primary reason for families spending less time together is somewhat narrow. To improve, broaden the discussion to include other factors contributing to this trend, such as increased work hours, technology, and changing social norms. Also, develop the ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to address the task, but the organization could be improved. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more impactful. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea, and use transition words to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are not precise or natural. For example, 'superiority of life' could be phrased more accurately as 'higher quality of life' or 'better living standards.' To enhance lexical resource, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Also, pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and sometimes impede understanding. Common errors include incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'people starts to talk' should be 'people start to talk.' To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work for common errors and focus on mastering basic grammar rules. Practice using a variety of sentence structures to enhance your grammatical range.

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