Positive And Negative

Band 4+: In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

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In many parts of the world, shopping is no longer a way that people buy things that they need, and it thas been developed into a form of entertainment. it is totally right that nowdays shopping is developed as an entertainment, and also nowadays is a hobby of some people. They like to shopping in their free time.

Once upon a time, shoping was way that people bough things they needed for their daily life. it was an important thing for their daily life needed things. They went shopping to buy their important things, for example, clothes and also other important things. once upon a time, people did not have enough money to buy extra things for their entertainment. Once time people went shopping for their daily needed things, but nowadays they like to enjoy entertainment,so shoppings has been developed into a form of entertainment. The primary and most common reason for the development is that these kinds of people do not have enough time for entertainment,and they do housework. By doing housework they need to go shoppings, so the free time of shopping they enjoy very much, and they develop it as entertainment.

In my opinion, I think it is a positive development for these kinds of people who do not have enough time for entertainment; they are always busy in their office or work. Shopping is the best time for them for entertainment and also the best way to spend their time with their friends and family members. Shopping helps to reduce stress and anxiety of the busy life. Also, shopping feels happy when we buy new clothes or anything else we want. For example, a busy person who is always busy with his office work does not have enough time for his friends and family members, so he always feels distracted, but every Sunday he likes to go shopping with his family members, which gives him happiness, and his family members are also happy for that, and they enjoy very much and also eat lunch at the restaurant. This is the way shopping gets entertainment for all of them. I also experience this kind of thing with my family, and the example is not another person’s life history; this is my own life experience.

In conclusion, I want to say that the development of shopping into a form of entertainment is not a negative development; it is a positive development for people who do not have enough time for entertainment. It helps to connect people with each other. Although shopping is a costly entertainment, if we use it properly, it doesn’t affect too much. If we use it properly, it would be the best entertainment ever.

Word Count: 449

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

shopping: 13

entertainment: 10

people: 9

their: 9

things: 7

enough: 5

family: 5

development: 4

members: 4

developed: 3

needed: 3

daily: 3

important: 3

example: 3

enjoy: 3

always: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses reasons for shopping becoming entertainment and presents a clear position that it is a positive development. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The reasons given are somewhat vague and repetitive, and the support is largely anecdotal. To improve, provide more specific and varied reasons, and strengthen the argument with broader examples or logical reasoning. Also, ensure the position is consistently maintained and the conclusion is more balanced.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by repetitive phrasing and abrupt transitions. The main points are presented, but the development is not always logical or easy to follow. For example, the introduction repeats the prompt and the body paragraphs jump between reasons and personal examples without clear linking. To improve, use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'in addition') to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Also, avoid repeating the same ideas in different words; instead, build on them with new information.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of words like 'shopping', 'entertainment', 'important', and 'things'. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'nowdays', 'shoping', 'bough', 'shoppings') and awkward word choices (e.g., 'it is totally right', 'they like to shopping'). To improve, expand your vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms (e.g., 'purchasing', 'leisure activity', 'recreation', 'essential items'). Also, work on collocations and natural phrasing (e.g., 'go shopping' instead of 'go shoppings'). Reading more academic or formal texts can help you acquire a wider range of vocabulary and use it accurately. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'shoppings has been developed'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'they like to shopping'), and missing articles (e.g., 'a way that people buy things'). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, and run-on sentences. The range of sentence structures is limited, with many simple and repetitive sentences. To improve, practice using a variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Review basic grammar rules, especially verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Proofread your work to catch and correct errors before submitting.

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Band 4+: In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

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In many countries, people are relying more on the internet for information, shopping, and communication instead of face-to-face interactions. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some parts of the world, people buy far too many clothes. What are the reasons for this? How can people be persuaded to reduce the number of clothes they buy?

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