Positive And Negative

Band 4+: In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perecieved as entertainment. Is it is positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.

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In many part of the world, shoping is no longer a way that people buy things that they need, and is has been devoloped into a form of entertainment. that’s is totally right that now a days shoping is devoloped as a entertainment also now a days shoping is a hobby of some people. They like to Shoping in their free time.

Once upon a time shoping is a way of that people buy thing what they need for their daily life. Its a important thing for their daily life needed things. They go for shoping to buy their important thing. for example, cloths,food,goods and also other important thing. once a time people do not have enough money for buy extra thing for their entertainment. Once time people went shoping for their daily needed thing but now a days they like to enjoy the shoping as like an entertainment so shoping has been devoloped into a form of entertainment. The primary and most common reason for the devolopment is this kind of people they do not have enough time for entertainment and they do house work. By doing house work they need to go for shoping so the free time of shoping they enjoy very much and they devolop as an entertainment.

In my opinion i think it is a positve devolopment for these kind they do not have enough time for entertainment, they are always busy in their office or work. Shoping is the best time for them for an entertainment and also best way to spend their time with there friends and family member. Shoping help to reduce stess and anaxity of the busy life. Also shoping feels happy when we buy new cloths or anything else we want. For example a busy person who always busy on his office work. he do not have enough time for his freinds and family member so he always feels distructed but every sunday he like to go to shoping with her family member which gives him happy and his family member are also happy for that and they enjoy very much and also eat lunch at the resturent. This is the way shoping gets entertainment all of them. I also experiance this kind of things with my family and examle is not other Person life history this is my own life experiance.

At conclution i want to say that the development of Shoping has been developed into a form of entertainment is not a negative development it is a positive development for which people they do not have enough time for development. It is help to connect people form each other. Although Shoping a Costly entertainment but if we use it properly that’s not effect to much on it. If we use it properly it would be the best entertainment ever.

Word Count: 471

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

shoping: 18

entertainment: 12

people: 8

their: 8

thing: 6

enough: 5

family: 5

member: 4

development: 4

things: 3

devoloped: 3

daily: 3

important: 3

other: 3

enjoy: 3

always: 3

happy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for shopping as entertainment and giving a position that it is positive. However, the response is incomplete and lacks clear development. The reasons are limited and not well-supported, and the position is presented but not fully argued. There is repetition and a lack of focus, with some irrelevant personal anecdotes. To improve, clearly structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs for reasons and evaluation, and a conclusion. Develop each idea with specific examples and logical support, and ensure the response fully covers both parts of the prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by abrupt shifts and repetitive phrasing. The introduction restates the topic and adds a personal opinion, but the connection between sentences is weak. The body paragraphs present reasons and an opinion, but the progression is not always logical, and some points are repeated. The conclusion summarizes the main idea but lacks a strong synthesis. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph has a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'in addition') to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Also, avoid repeating the same points and aim for a more concise and organized presentation.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of words like 'shoping', 'devolop', and 'entertainment'. There are also spelling errors (e.g., 'shoping' for 'shopping', 'devoloped' for 'developed', 'positve' for 'positive', 'anaxity' for 'anxiety', 'distructed' for 'distracted', 'resturent' for 'restaurant', 'conclution' for 'conclusion'). The choice of words is often informal or imprecise (e.g., 'that's is totally right', 'they like to Shoping'). To improve, expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations related to shopping and entertainment, and practice using them in context. Also, pay attention to spelling and word forms (e.g., use 'shopping' as a noun, 'develop' as a verb, 'development' as a noun). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'In many part of the world' should be 'In many parts of the world'), verb tense consistency (e.g., 'Once upon a time shoping is a way' should be 'Once upon a time, shopping was a way'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'that's is totally right' should be 'that is totally right'). There are also missing articles and prepositions (e.g., 'a important thing' should be 'an important thing', 'for buy' should be 'to buy'). The essay relies heavily on simple and repetitive sentence structures, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing sentences with correct subject-verb agreement and tense usage, and try to incorporate a variety of sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and subordinate clauses. Additionally, proofread your work to catch and correct errors.

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