Cause And Solution

Band 4+: In some countries, it is becoming increasingly difficult for young people to find full-time careers after they graduate from university. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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In some countries, young people are more difficult to find full-time careers after they graduate from university than past year. There are some opinions of such problem to get full-time jobs. In the essay, we are going to describe the problems and solutions about the matter.

One of the reason why recent university students are becoming difficultly to find full-time jobs is that they do not have enough time to study. Many students work as part-time jobs to get more money. However, some of those work more time because they have to earn and manage the fees of university. In addition, fee has been gradually increasing. Therefore, it is difficult to allocate the enough time to study and prepare for seeking the jobs.

Regarding the problem, universities should support more actively such student who are facing financial problem. Of course, some organizations have already supported offering scolarship. However, offering slots of scolarship are not enough, so some student do not meet the requirement. In my opinion, companies also sould support providing interns or side-jobs for the student. There are some strong points between companies and students. In terms of companies, they are able to find the potential student. Regaring students, they can contact for company’s human resouces, making imagination to work the company.

In conclusion, recent young people are becoming difficultly to find full-time career in some countries. In my opinion, universities should support more actively providing the chance of scolarship. Also, companies have to offer the oppotunities of interns or side-jobs.

Word Count: 252

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

full-time: 4

students: 4

student: 4

companies: 4

university: 3

problem: 3

enough: 3

support: 3

scolarship: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by identifying a cause (financial pressure leading to lack of study time) and suggesting solutions (scholarships and internships). However, the development of these ideas is limited. The connection between the cause and the problem of 'finding a career' could be more explicitly explained - for example, by stating that part-time work prevents students from gaining the necessary skills or qualifications. To improve, you should aim to expand on your main points with more depth. Instead of just stating that scholarships are insufficient, explain how increasing scholarship availability would directly solve the problem of students being too busy with part-time work. Additionally, ensure that your position is consistently developed throughout the body paragraphs. Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly regarding word forms (e.g., using 'it is difficult for students' instead of 'students are becoming difficultly'), to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing. The introduction uses a 'roadmap' sentence ('In the essay, we are going to describe...') which is considered somewhat formulaic and less sophisticated in academic writing. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', or 'As a result') more naturally to link your ideas, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that guides the reader.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and repetitive. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'scolarship', 'sould', 'oppotunities') and incorrect word forms (e.g., using 'difficultly' instead of 'difficulty'). To reach a higher band, you should aim to use a wider range of academic vocabulary and pay closer attention to word formation. For example, instead of saying 'get more money', you could use 'supplement their income' or 'cover living expenses'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally make it difficult to understand the intended meaning. Common issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect article usage (e.g., 'the enough time'), and awkward sentence constructions (e.g., 'young people are more difficult to find'). You should practice sentence structures that allow you to express complex ideas, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, and focus on the correct use of adjectives versus adverbs.

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Band 4+: In some countries, it is becoming increasingly difficult for young people to find full-time careers after they graduate from university. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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In some countries, it is becoming increasingly difficult for young people to find full-time careers after they graduate from university. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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