Opinion

Band 7+: In some countries, the government provides payments for unemployed people. How does this impact individuals and the government? Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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In some parts of the world citizens without an occupation are supported financially by their government. While it helps individuals to avoid poverty, national budget might be stretching too thin to accommodate all job-seekers. I believe that it is a necessary investment that insures long-term stability of the society

Monthly payments for the unemployed allow them to focus on job-hunting without worrying about covering their basic needs. Some even might use the time to hone their skills which in return opens the doors to even more career opportunities and makes them more valuable employees. However, this financial aid creates additional burden on the national budget and on those who are currently paying the taxes. For example, in Germany the government covers the rent and the insurance while also providing almost 600 euros for those without jobs. Considering the taxes that apply to the working class, some simply choose not to work and enjoy all the free time in the world

Personally, I support the subsides for the unemployed in order to avoid fueling the poverty issue. Long lasting unemployment is bound to lead to the rise in the homeless population and in crime rates. While the government might feel constrained by the subsides, they are a preventive measure against a larger issue. That said, the financial aid should not be too high to make people lazy. For example, the recent study proved that most minimum wages set by different countries do not allow for a comfortable living. Thus, subsides should urge individuals to seek employment.

In conclusion, while it might seem that the unemployment privileges weigh down on the government and the working individuals, I believe they pay off in the long run. With their basic needs covered, people are more likely to find an occupation that would benefit the country instead of begging in the streets for change.

Word Count: 309

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 4

government: 4

while: 4

might: 4

without: 3

individuals: 3

subsides: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of unemployment payments on both individuals and the government, and clearly states the writer's position in agreement with the idea. The position is well-developed with relevant ideas and supporting examples, such as the reference to Germany and the mention of minimum wages. The essay maintains focus and coherence throughout. To achieve a higher score, consider extending the discussion of the government's perspective with more specific examples or data, and ensure that the conclusion fully summarizes the key points without introducing new ideas. Overall, this is a strong response with minor room for refinement.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are logically presented, and the argument is easy to follow. However, there are minor lapses in cohesion, such as the abrupt transition between the second and third paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is adequate but could be more varied to improve flow. Paragraphing is generally well-managed, but the second paragraph could be split into two for better clarity.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like 'hone', 'burden', 'preventive measure', and 'urge' used appropriately. There is some attempt at sophistication, such as 'long-term stability' and 'fueling the poverty issue'. However, there are a few errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'subsides' instead of 'subsidies', 'insures' instead of 'ensures'). The lexical resource is generally effective but lacks the full flexibility and natural control of a band 9 essay. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For example, 'national budget might be stretching too thin' should be 'the national budget might be stretched too thin', and 'subsides should urge individuals' should be 'subsidies should encourage individuals'. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are missing commas and run-on sentences. The grammatical range is adequate, but accuracy needs improvement to achieve a higher score.

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