Discussion

Band 5+: In the past, parents used to spend more time with their children by reading books or telling stories. However, in modern life, these activities are becoming less common because children now have many sources of entertainment and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Formerly, parents accustomed to spend time with their offsprings by sharing stories, but in today’s world, such trends are barely seen as kids now are always engaged in some kind of entertainments.

The trend that lied in having time with kids, however, can be justifiable in some cases. When parents used to share stories and read books, they were buiding their family bonds with young generation. Due to such development, families had built customs of spending time together. Tatar nation is a pertinent case in point; since in the past people gathered together for reading books to each other, thus resulting in strengthened family ties. This exemplifies the reason why parents used to have time with their kids.

These arguments notwithstanding, this type of entertainment became the thing of the past, as in modern life, each member of the family involve themselves in technology. With the widespread appeal of cutting-edge technologies, many traditions have been replaced by them. As a result, families are spending less time together, as there is no purpose in it anymore due in large part to technological advancement which can help make people feel closer.

In conclusion, although spending time together is beneficial in terms of social standing, as family bonds are tightening and the legacy can be passed on through generations, I still consider that it is the thing of the past, since now people can access entertainment by phones.

Word Count: 235

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 4

together: 4

parents: 3

their: 3

spending: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both the past trend of parents spending time with children through reading/storytelling and the modern shift towards technology-based entertainment. A clear position is presented in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas lacks precision and depth. The first body paragraph attempts to support the past trend with an example (Tatar nation), but the explanation is somewhat vague and could be more specific. The second body paragraph discusses the impact of technology but does not fully explore the reasons or provide concrete examples. The conclusion restates the opinion but could be more nuanced. To improve, ensure each main idea is clearly explained and supported with relevant, specific examples. Also, work on using more precise vocabulary and sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is present but not always natural, and some paragraphs could be better developed to support the main points. To improve, focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases more naturally, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully explained.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some good attempts at using less common words like 'pertinent' and 'exemplifies'. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as 'accustomed to spend' (should be 'used to spend'), 'offsprings' (should be 'offspring'), 'lied in' (should be 'lay in'), 'buiding' (should be 'building'), and 'the thing of the past' (which is informal). To improve, aim for more precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid informal phrases. Also, pay attention to word forms and collocations. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. Examples include: 'accustomed to spend' (incorrect verb form), 'offsprings' (incorrect plural), 'lied in' (incorrect tense), 'buiding' (spelling error), 'each member... involve themselves' (subject-verb agreement), and 'it is the thing of the past' (informal and unclear). There is some attempt to use complex structures, but they are often flawed. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct word forms. Practice writing sentences with a variety of structures, and proofread carefully to eliminate errors.

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