Positive And Negative

Band 6+: Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

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It is true that, an increasing number of adults are playing online games. While there are a variety of factors responsible for it, I believe it is a negative development.

There are a number of reasons why many adults are playing online games. One possible reason is that, due to technological advancement, most adults have become addicted to online games. Around the world, every year mobile phone and laptop companies are launching enhanced configuration phones and laptops at affordable prices, which attract adults to play online games. Another possible reason is that, after doing office work some people plays online games with friends to relieve their mental pressure. There are several games where individuals can connect easily with their friends, such as PUBG mobile and Free Fire. As an example, my friends and I, including those who live abroad, sometimes I play games with them to minimize our assignment pressure.

Playing online games is negative development for several reasons. Firstly, people become lazy, and they don’t have an idea of how time passes due to playing online games. Online games are very harmful for adults because they affect physical health development, such as eye issues and weight loss. Secondly, sometimes adults top up money for online games, which is a waste of money. For instance, I have seen many adults who spend money on online games, and after a few days they regret it.

In conclusion, although playing online games has a few benefits, there are also several demerits to it, in my opinion.

Word Count: 254

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

games: 13

online: 11

adults: 7

playing: 4

there: 3

friends: 3

several: 3

money: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The reasons for the trend and the negative aspects are discussed with relevant examples. However, the supporting ideas could benefit from more precision and depth. To improve, focus on developing each point more thoroughly with specific details and explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are presented logically, and the use of examples helps to illustrate the points. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, some phrases are quite basic. Try to incorporate more varied and nuanced word choices to elevate the writing quality. For example, instead of 'harmful,' consider using 'detrimental' or 'deleterious.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense formation. Review the essay carefully to identify and correct these errors. Also, vary your sentence structures more to enhance the overall flow and sophistication of your writing.

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Band 6+: Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is his a positive or negative development?

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