Opinion

Band 6+: many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, violent movies and computer games are gaining popularity. Some individuals believe they have a detrimental effect on society and should be banned, while others argue that they are harmless forms of relaxation. In this essay I will discuss both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, those who think that these films and games can affect citizens negatively are right. They can lead to several issues. One main drawback is that computer games and films containing violence develop violent behaviour in people, especially children. This is because watching or playing them on daily basis can significantly affect children’s mental health. As a result, they can be involved in several criminal activities. Therefore, banning those movies and games may prevent these concerns.

On the other hand, some people believe that they are non-dangerous. Their view can be supported by some advantages that bring these computer games and movies. Firstly, they can serve as a tool for relaxation after a busy day. By watching or playing they can escape from a stress of work and other life problems. In addition, these movies and games can gather the family members in one place. Many people spend their time together behind this purpose and strengthen their relationships. So, violent movies and computer games are sometimes really useful as they help people to relax and meet with their families.

In conclusion, even though computer games and films containing violence may lead to some issues, I believe that they should not be banned. Because they are a source of entertainment which helps relax, and reason of many family gatherings.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

games: 8

movies: 5

computer: 5

these: 4

people: 4

their: 4

violent: 3

believe: 3

films: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly discussed both viewpoints and provided a personal opinion in the conclusion. The position is consistent throughout the response. To improve, aim to extend your ideas further. For example, in the first body paragraph, you could explain *how* exposure to violence leads to criminal behavior (e.g., desensitization to aggression). In the second body paragraph, the idea of 'family gatherings' through violent media is a bit weak and could be better supported or linked more clearly to the concept of 'harmless relaxation.' Additionally, ensure your grammatical structures are more varied to move toward a higher band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs representing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be more sophisticated. Some transitions are a bit mechanical (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Firstly', 'In addition'). To improve, try using more varied cohesive devices and ensure that the connection between sentences flows more naturally rather than relying on a list-like structure. Additionally, the final sentence in the conclusion is a fragment; it should be attached to the previous sentence to ensure grammatical completeness.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task and allows for a clear expression of ideas. Words like 'detrimental', 'significantly', and 'strengthen' are used correctly. However, the range of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive (e.g., repeating 'movies and games' or 'relax' frequently). To reach a higher band, aim to use more synonyms and less common lexical items. For example, instead of 'non-dangerous', you could use 'benign' or 'harmless'; instead of 'gather the family members', you could use 'foster family bonding'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, and the meaning is generally clear. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. Examples include missing articles ('on daily basis' should be 'on a daily basis', 'escape from a stress' should be 'escape from the stress') and sentence fragments in the conclusion. There is also a slight awkwardness in phrasing, such as 'behind this purpose'. Focus on improving article usage and ensuring that every sentence is a complete grammatical unit.

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Band 6+: many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

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Essays On The Same Topic:

many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

many movies and vedio games contain violence scenes. some think it should be banned and other think it is harmless and help people to relax . discus both views and give your opinion

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