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Band 5+: Many people delay marriage and having children. Why? Is this positive or negative?

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One of the phenomenon currently happening in the younger generations is postponing mariage and parenthood. It happens caused by some factors, for instance, shifts in values, the increasing cost of living, and the desire for personal independence. It has significantly affected the social life and psychology of youngsters, both positively and negatively. It should be aware by the youngsters for theirs life in the future.

The most prominent reason delaying mariage and childbearing is emotional and financial stability first. It has been chosen among the youngsters by reason of the chances to pursue higher education, build professional carreer branding, luxuriate the youth path, and finally reach disposable income before entering married life. This trend is supported by research that getting married at an older age tends to be more economically stable and increases level of happiness. Moreover, job demands in this era forces the youngsters be more creative to manage theirs health in physique and mentally so that delaying mariage becoming one solution to elude from unnecessary things which is detaining theirs aims.

Self development is becoming another reason why the youngsters delaying marriage. They pursue their hobbies, interests, personal goals without being disrupted by the responsibilty to get married. Furthermore, youngsters have plenty of time to makes plan to identify the values and characters of their partner. This can reduce divorce case among the youngsters and it is also linked to level of divorce risk. Admittedly, some drawbacks of delaying marriage should also be aware by youngsters. Three factors such as social pressure, the risk of loneliness, and the challenge of finding compatible match are the main drawnbacks of delaying marriage. Many cases among youngsters pushed down by the society to get married early in order to have experiencing parenthood. However, those drawbacks can still be compromised by all youngsters nowadays.

In conclusion, majority of youngsters consistently choose the delaying of marriage and parenthood eventhough many of perspective of drawbacks has been published to them. The desire for personal independence becomes the main factors on it and has a correlation into all the factors affected. In the end, youngsters has a right to choose what is good for their life

Word Count: 361

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

youngsters: 12

delaying: 6

factors: 4

married: 4

marriage: 4

mariage: 3

parenthood: 3

personal: 3

theirs: 3

reason: 3

among: 3

their: 3

drawbacks: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have identified several reasons for the delay (financial stability, career, and self-development) and touched upon both the positive and negative aspects. A position is present, though the distinction between the 'positive' and 'negative' impacts could be more clearly structured to ensure the reader can easily follow your evaluation of the trend. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Task Response Development**: While you mention drawbacks (loneliness, social pressure), they are presented quite briefly. To achieve a higher score, you should develop these points with the same depth as your reasons. For example, explain *why* loneliness is a significant negative consequence of this trend. 2. **Cohesion and Structure**: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. The third paragraph attempts to do two things at once: discuss self-development (a reason) and then pivot to drawbacks. It would be more effective to have one paragraph dedicated to the 'Why' and another dedicated to the 'Is it positive or negative?' 3. **Grammatical Accuracy**: There are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'youngsters has a right', 'job demands... forces') and word choice/form (e.g., 'postponing mariage', 'theirs life', 'be more creative to manage theirs health'). Improving these will help your ideas come across more clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and imprecise transitions. While you attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In conclusion'), they do not always connect the ideas smoothly. To improve, focus on ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next and that your topic sentences clearly define the scope of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource

You have attempted to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'disposable income', 'professional career', 'social pressure'). However, there are frequent errors in word choice, spelling (e.g., 'mariage', 'carreer', 'drawnbacks'), and word formation (e.g., 'luxuriate the youth path', 'detaining theirs aims'). These errors occasionally make it difficult to understand your intended meaning. Aim to learn collocations (words that naturally go together) and ensure that your word choices are precise and used in the correct context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use complex sentence structures, but these are often undermined by significant grammatical errors. There are frequent issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'youngsters has'), pronoun usage (e.g., 'theirs life', 'theirs aims'), and passive voice construction (e.g., 'It should be aware by'). Additionally, some sentence structures are fragmented or incorrectly formed. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, particularly regarding possessive adjectives, verb tenses, and the correct use of the passive voice.

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Band 5+: Many people delay marriage and having children. Why? Is this positive or negative?

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