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Band 5+: Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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Nowadays, the majority of young people are not doing outdoor activities such as hiking or climbing in natural environments during their holidays and weekends. This can be the result of sedentary lifestyle and safety concerns. To encourage them to go out there should be the involvement of companies and government.

One particular reason of this trend is the sedentary lifestyle of young people. Many people have become an office drone sitting in a cubicle all day. They basically spend their holidays and weekends at home, watching TV or playing video games. They are morally tired to do physical activities, so they do not go outside. For example, young people are now prioritizing to stay at home instead of going for a walk. Another cause has to do with safety concerns. Parents do not allow their children go hiking or cycling, as they are worried about the risks it does involve. For instance, parents worry about the accidents or crime their children. As a result, they do not let their children to do those activities.

To solve this problem, particularly the problem with sedentary lifestyle, companies can organize competitions for their employees. If offices offer worthy prizes for winners of the competition, individuals will agree without hesitation. It can help people to be more physically active and spend less time locked in their room. For example, they can organize competition day every week or twice a month and doing some sports such as football or cycling. Another solution can be undertaken by government. They should make car free days and safe children’s zones, so outdoor activities could be less dangerous. They can also create more green zones with lots of trees, cycling roads and playground. Having these facilities, people can spend time with family, friends or alone doing physical activities.

In conclusion, while individuals spend their holidays and weekends because of their sedentary lifestyle and concerns of their parents, it can be addressed by setting up competitions with rewards and creating safe environment for residents.

Word Count: 334

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

people: 6

sedentary: 4

lifestyle: 4

spend: 4

young: 3

doing: 3

activities: 3

holidays: 3

weekends: 3

concerns: 3

parents: 3

children: 3

cycling: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified two causes (sedentary lifestyle and safety concerns) and provided two corresponding solutions (corporate competitions and government infrastructure). Your position is consistent throughout the response. To improve your score, focus on the depth of your ideas and the precision of your language. Some ideas are slightly underdeveloped; for example, the connection between 'office drones' and 'young people' could be more nuanced, as many young people are students rather than office workers. Additionally, ensure your supporting examples are more specific. In the second paragraph, the example 'young people are now prioritizing to stay at home instead of going for a walk' is somewhat repetitive of the main point rather than being a distinct piece of evidence. Aim for more sophisticated vocabulary and ensure grammatical accuracy in complex structures (e.g., 'parents do not allow their children to go' instead of 'allow their children go').

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used somewhat repetitively (e.g., 'For example', 'Another cause'). To improve, try using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that the transition between sentences feels more natural rather than a list of points. The conclusion also contains a slight logical slip where it says 'while individuals spend their holidays and weekends because of...', which omits the word 'at home' or 'indoors', slightly obscuring the meaning.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate to convey the message, and there are some attempts at idiomatic language like 'office drone'. However, there is a lack of precision in several areas. For instance, 'morally tired' is likely a misuse of the word; 'mentally exhausted' or 'physically drained' would be more appropriate. Phrases like 'worthy prizes' or 'doing some sports' are a bit simplistic. To reach a higher band, aim for more sophisticated collocations and academic vocabulary (e.g., instead of 'do those activities', use 'engage in such pursuits'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the flow of reading. Issues include missing prepositions (e.g., 'allow their children go' should be 'allow their children to go'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'organize competition day... and doing' should be 'and do'), and incomplete thoughts (e.g., 'worry about the accidents or crime their children'). There are also issues with article usage and subject-verb agreement. To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that verb patterns (like 'allow someone to do something') are used correctly.

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Band 5+: Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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