Discussion

Band 6+: Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society. Support your answer with reasons and examples .from your own knowl edge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

These days healthcare system and medical science have developed enough to combat many diseases. As a result of this people live longer, thrive and breed. This development has both advantages and drawbacks. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the topic.

To start with, the main benefit of people living longer is that humans now have more time to enjoy their lives. A person who does not have to rush and worry about a short lifespan, can focus on such things as education, travel or self-realization. This can serve as a great opportunity for a human to pursue their interests and dream-life. Furthermore, now with the technology advancement, social media and online communication people have more awareness about health, mental well-being, and the significance of physical activities which also is a cause of long lives.

However, despite these benefits, there are also serious outcomes from aging population. For instance, in many European countries the majority of citizens are pensioners, which means that the unemployment rate is high. This leads to economic crises and challenges for the authorities to maintain pension payments and the country’s economic stability. Another factor to consider is, the lack of available land for housing due to the growing population. This can play as a major reason of deforestations.

In conclusion, I would like to say that population growing can cause lots of issues that people haven’t met before. On the one hand we face with the harsh reality of growing population disadvantages. On the other hand we have a thriving and healthy humans. Therefore, governments should focus on sustainable policies to balance population growth and quality of life.

Word Count: 275

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

population: 5

people: 4

growing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position regarding the effects of increased longevity on society. The main ideas are relevant, discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of an aging population. However, some supporting ideas lack precision and could be further developed with more specific examples. To improve, focus on providing more concrete evidence and detailed explanations to support your claims, particularly in the second body paragraph. Also, ensure a consistent level of formality throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate arrangement of ideas into paragraphs, but the flow between some sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Transitions between ideas sometimes feel abrupt. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between enjoying life and the subsequent discussion of technology and social media could be clearer. In the final paragraph, the transition from discussing issues to suggesting government policies could be more explicit. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and that transitions logically connect ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to express ideas, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, 'breed' is not the most appropriate word in the first paragraph. To enhance lexical resource, focus on using more specific and nuanced vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Also, pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. For example, 'population growing can cause lots of issues that people haven't met before' contains awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering fundamental grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review your work carefully to identify and correct errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and word order.

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