Positive And Negative

Band 5+: more and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. is this attitude to wear clothes a positive development or negative?

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Nowadays, fashion has been blowing up, possibly due to the increasing trend of social media. I’m under the impression that the increasing trend of fashion is a positive development to society as fashion allows individuals to express their personality and boosts confidence and be unique with others.

Firstly, social media has helped individuals to get an idea of a certain fit that they are looking for, and as fashion is becoming more and more popular it allows individuals to express their personality and boost their confidence. This is because a person who likes a certain fit would now look better with the help of social media guiding which fits better, granting the person more confidence when hanging out with their friends, or visiting a mall. As an example, a guy who likes to wear streetwear, could get some idea from tiktok or instagram of a certain jorts, belts, or necklace that would really look good on him; this allowed him to be more confident and express his personality better. Hence, the increasing trend of social media usage on fashion benefits individuals to express their personality well and boost their confidence.

Moreover, having different outfits between others not only boosts their confidence but each person now looks more unique and different. The reason is that as fashion grew, there would be more ideas of outfits like streetwear, casual, summer, and way more. Hence, people would have different and unique outfits in a mall or tourist spots. As an example back then people would just wear a tee and short pants when visiting the mall, but as fashion became a trend more and more people looked different such as hoodies and sweatpants, or crop tops and sweat pants.

Ultimately, although there would probably be similarity in individual taste, in my opinion fashion would allow individuals to express their personality well and they are prone to be more confident

Word Count: 316

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

fashion: 8

their: 8

would: 7

individuals: 5

express: 5

personality: 5

trend: 4

social: 4

media: 4

confidence: 4

different: 4

increasing: 3

unique: 3

certain: 3

person: 3

better: 3

outfits: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies social media as a reason for the trend and presents a clear position that this is a positive development. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive. The first and second body paragraphs overlap significantly, as both focus heavily on the concept of 'boosting confidence' and 'expressing personality' without clearly distinguishing between the 'reasons' for the trend and the 'positive/negative' evaluation. To improve, ensure that the first body paragraph focuses strictly on the causes (e.g., social media influence, accessibility, fast fashion) and the second body paragraph focuses strictly on the effects (e.g., psychological benefits or cultural expression). Additionally, try to avoid repeating the same phrases (like 'express their personality and boost their confidence') in almost every paragraph, as this limits the depth of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas is somewhat repetitive. You tend to repeat the same points (expressing personality and boosting confidence) in almost every paragraph, which prevents the development of a nuanced argument. To improve, try to use different supporting points for each paragraph. For example, one paragraph could focus on the 'reasons' (social media/globalization) and the next could focus on the 'positive/negative' aspect (self-expression vs. consumerism). Additionally, work on using a wider variety of cohesive devices; currently, the transitions are somewhat repetitive (e.g., using 'Hence' and 'As an example' frequently).

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic and repetitive. Words like 'fit', 'look', and 'different' are used multiple times. To reach a higher band, you should aim for more sophisticated synonyms. Instead of 'a certain fit', you could use 'specific attire', 'outfits', or 'garments'. Instead of 'looking different', you could use 'distinguishing oneself' or 'standing out from the crowd'. Be careful with informal language; 'blowing up' and 'jorts' are quite colloquial and should be replaced with more academic terms like 'proliferating' or 'denim shorts' in an IELTS context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical issues, particularly regarding sentence structure and subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'boosts confidence and be unique' should be 'boosts confidence and allows them to be unique'. There are also instances of run-on sentences where multiple ideas are joined without proper punctuation. You should practice using complex sentence structures (subordinate clauses) more accurately. Pay close attention to singular/plural consistency, such as 'a certain jorts' (jorts is plural) and 'each person now looks more unique' (while understandable, 'unique' is an absolute adjective and usually doesn't take 'more').

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