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Band 4+: Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

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There is no denying the fact that modern families have both parents work and as a result, the time they take with children spend less and less day by day. This essay will discuss the reasons and problems that may happen in the future.

To begin with, there are many reasons for why the children do not take enough time with their parents. Firstly, fathers and mothers do not select their responsibilities by correct way. In other words, most of their time they spend it in workplace, a few time for children. In addition, their work time is not balanced. For example, if one of them work at am and the other go on pm they will find a time for boys.

In terms of problems may happen, may approach to a poor parental supervision of children. It is also possible to say that when they in a workplace for a long time they do not know where their kids, with whom and what they do. Moreover, one of many disadvantages such as the relationship between the family will become weakness furthermore may they have bad expressions with others. For instance, when they be away from each other for a long time they will not have any good memories or happy moments.

In conclusion, there are many reasons that leads to the gap between children and parents. It is also true that make many challenges in the future. I believe they work for make money to their family it is a good point, but i think the drawbacks outweigh the upside. For me, spend time with my kids it is on top of my responsibilities.

Word Count: 275

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 6

children: 5

there: 3

parents: 3

spend: 3

reasons: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the clarity of these ideas could be improved with more precise and focused support. To improve, focus on developing your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. Also, pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Use cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through your argument. For example, use transition words to show cause and effect, contrast, or addition.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language. Pay attention to collocations and the appropriate use of words in context. For example, instead of 'select their responsibilities by correct way,' consider 'prioritize their responsibilities effectively.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding. There are issues with sentence structure, verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors. For example, 'parents work' should be 'parents working' or 'parents who work'.

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