Opinion

Band 6+: Nowadays, a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, people are significantly affected by advertisements, especially toy and snack ads, which have a great impact on children and their guardians. These advertisements should be banned. I strongly agree with this point because it is harmful for children’s health.

On the one hand, there are several side effects of advertisements on children as well as parents. Children persuade their loved ones to buy commercial products. Furthermore, they are not mature enough to understand the value of money and how to earn money. Children are inspired by commercial ads and urge their parents to get them. Nevertheless, some parents cannot afford the cost of a product, but they buy something to make their children happy.

On the other hand, children cannot differentiate between commercials and TV programs. They see commercials as TV programs, and if any company makes ads related to animations and cartoons, then children might be more encouraged to get the product. Apart from this, children also pester their parents to buy chocolates and snacks that are shown on TV. It affects children’s physical and mental health. Without knowing the negative impact, parents give snacks to their children.

In conclusion, the government should ban this type of commercial ad, which impacts children’s health and well-being.

Furthermore, parents should know the adverse effects on child health

Word Count: 219

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 8

their: 6

parents: 6

advertisements: 3

should: 3

children's: 3

commercial: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential long-term effects of advertising on children's health and well-being. Also, ensure a balanced discussion by acknowledging any potential counterarguments before reinforcing your stance. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and maintains it throughout. The arguments are logically organized, and the paragraphing is generally effective. To enhance coherence, consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, you could use a wider range of transitional phrases and conjunctions to create smoother transitions.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, and the word choice is generally appropriate. To further improve, try to incorporate more precise and nuanced vocabulary related to advertising, child psychology, and consumer behavior. This will add depth and sophistication to your arguments. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with only minor errors. To improve further, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring consistently accurate punctuation. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles.

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